Pax Arcana
The New York Times today reports a dramatic rise in the rate of escalator attacks against old people. In fact, the yearly rate of escalator injuries increased more than 100% from 1991 to 2005 — to an average of 2,660 sweet old ladies per year:
Nobody knows why the rate is rising. “Perhaps the exposure is greater than it was in 1991,” said the study’s lead author, Dr. Joseph O’Neil, an associate professor of pediatrics at Indiana University. “We don’t know if there are more escalators, but there are certainly more active older adults.”
Welcome to hell. Please use the hand rail.
Also, they always put the Friendly’s on the second floor of the mall.
Dr. O’Neil’s report cautions older people to use care when riding the mechanized death traps. At any time, he said, the steel jaws of misfortune can clamp down on your velcro shoes and drag you, bloodied and wailing, into the fiery pit of H-E-doublehockeysticks.
Senior citizens especially are encouraged to get their affairs in order before engaging in any way with technology — especially mechanized conveyances, robots, VCRs, and the eBays. Danger lurks around every corner.
Escalator Injuries Rise in Older Adults [New York Times]
5 Comments
April 8, 2008 at 7:25 pm
How about more old people in general? Or could it be… a way of minimizing paying out social security and medicare? A government plot? This cracks me up!
April 8, 2008 at 10:07 pm
Hmm… maybe they should use the elevator then?
April 9, 2008 at 5:59 am
As wrong as it may be, this made me lol.
April 14, 2008 at 10:59 am
i love the pic. does look like a fearful escalator ride:)
btw, i try to jog up the stairs from the Porter Square station platform… it can be the exercise of the week!
August 6, 2008 at 9:01 am
[...] only are the nation’s escalators attacking old people at an alarming rate, they are also growing more powerful by the [...]