July 30, 2008...9:00 am

Don’t eat that green shit

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Pax Arcana

Late yesterday we received a warning that is bound to make Father Scott’s beard fall right the fuck off — the Food and Drug Administration says eating Maine lobsters can kill you.

OK that’s not exactly the story. The story is that state and local officials in Massachusetts and New Hampshire have discovered high levels of Paralytic Shellfish Poisoning (PSP) in tomalley from American (aka Maine) lobsters.

Oh yeah, tomalley is that green shit inside the lobster. Don’t eat that green shit:

The FDA advisory applies only to tomalley, the soft, green substance found in the body cavity of the lobster that functions as the liver and pancreas. Cooking does not eliminate the PSP toxins. However, studies have shown that, even when high levels of PSP toxins are present in lobster tomalley, lobster meat itself is typically unaffected.

My globally-renowned scientific acumen tells me that if the toxins are so weak that they can affect one part of the lobster’s body while sparing the others, they present little danger to humans. Let’s take a closer look at what PSP does to you:

Symptoms of PSP include tingling and/or numbness of the mouth, face or neck; muscle weakness; headache; and nausea. In extreme cases, when large amounts of the toxin are consumed, these symptoms can lead to respiratory failure and death. Symptoms usually occur within two hours of exposure to the toxin. Anyone experiencing these symptoms should seek medical attention.

[Gulp]

OK, really — don’t eat that green shit!

FDA Advises Against Consumption of American Lobster (Maine Lobster) Tomalley [FDA.gov]

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