Pax Arcana
For some reason I found myself tuned to the local ESPN radio outlet this morning, where I got to hear Mike and Mike contort themselves in fake laughter at ubiquitous marketing somethingorother Frank Caliendo doing the SAME GODDAMN AL PACINO, CHARLES BARKLEY, AND PRESIDENT BUSH IMPERSONATIONS he’s been annoying us all with for more than a year now.
But that’s not the point. The point is that during two successive commercial breaks, the local sports update person referred to last night’s Red Sox loss and the team’s struggle against Tampa Bay Rays pitcher “Hector Garza.”
I know he’s only been around for a few years, but you would think a radio station bearing the ESPN logo would be able to successfully identify Matt Garza as the winning pitcher in last night’s contest.
Who the F is Hector Garza?
Glad you asked. He’s a wrestler in the Mexican Consejo Mundial de Lucha Libre, though sadly he doesn’t wear one of those awesome masks.
“Say hello to my lil’ friend.”
Here’s more on Hector Garza’s spectacular wrestling career:
His stay in AAA was short although he did participate in a match on the 1997 World Wrestling FederationRoyal Rumble pay-per-view when the WWF and AAA had a working agreement. He went to World Championship Wrestling later in the year and WCW added “Jr.” to his name although his father wrestled as Humberto Garza. He was best known in WCW for his twirling turnbuckle to floor plancha called The Corkscrew Plancha, a move he botched more than he hit.
From now on, Matt Garza — reminder: he’s a pitcher for the Tampa Bay Rays — will only be referred to on this blog as “The Corkscrew Plancha.”
7 Comments
October 14, 2008 at 9:40 am
A couple of things — I got so annoyed last night when the announcers said that common Red Sox fans don’t know who Garza is — fuck you guys, any reasonable Red Sox fan knows who Matt Garza is. It’s the casual fans you’re trying to rope in who have never heard of that douchebag.
Second, I like Caliendo. Sure, too many ads, but his impressions are funny. The Pacino is boring, and I don’t understand the fascination with the Barkley one. But his Jim Rome is hilarious.
October 14, 2008 at 9:54 am
I’m just going to pretend I didn’t read the second part of that comment.
October 14, 2008 at 11:05 am
Look, he does a lot of obvious ones. Like I said, the Pacino is boring. The Bush can be funny, but he often runs it into the ground.
His two best ones are Rome and Bill Walton. Mostly because he doesn’t overdo them, because people don’t know who they are. Which is why it’s good when he’s on Mike & Mike, cause he can do the Rome one knowing that most listeners know who he is. He can’t do that in Frank TV ads, because it will confuse our feeble brains.
October 14, 2008 at 11:34 am
[covers ears and eyes]
La la la la la la laaa llaa…. I can’t hear you or read your comments …. lalalalalala …
[/uncovers and quickly goes back to work]
October 14, 2008 at 1:00 pm
hector garza = TNA alum. he = awesome.
cliendo’s maddon still hasn’t gotten old for me. every time he starts doing that laugh and gibberish, i die.
October 14, 2008 at 1:14 pm
So the guy who loves fake wrestling and the Tampa Bay Rays also thinks Frank Caliendo is funny.
I guess TBS knows its demographic pretty well then…
October 20, 2008 at 7:52 am
[...] anyone ever seen Matt “The Corkscrew Plancha” Garza and Count Chocula in the same [...]