Depressed about the economy? That 401(k) losing commas and zeroes by the second? Having trouble making payments to all nine babymammas (sorry, Genevieve, check’s in the mail, I promise this time)?
Well you don’t have the worst of it. See, you’re used to a pretty average life. You work your 40 hours, go home, heat up a microwaveable dinner, and whack it to your neighbor’s Victoria’s Secret catalog that accidentally got left in your mail.
Haven’t you ever thought of those more privileged than you? I mean, they were used to pretty lavish lives, with trips, 500-dollar dinners, and diamond-studded vibrators. You just can only eat at Applebee’s once a month instead of once a week.
Luckily, even though you’re a selfish dick, a network has been set up for those who lived fantastic lifestyles thanks to bankers’ riches, and now cannot. Meet DABAGirls (ht: Laura at The Modern Age).
DABA (Dating a Banker Anonymous) Girls tracks the lives of women who date bankers who are now financially scrizzewed. A recent post details a conversation between one young mistress and her older, married banker “boyfriend”:
Suddenly, I found myself being taken out less and less frequently. A recent argument went along these lines:
Me *pouting*: You haven’t taken me on a trip since we went to Bermuda in September. What’s going on?
Charles: Honey, finances are tight right now so my wife has taken it upon herself to check up on all of our accounts. She will notice any big expenditures.
Me *cute voice*: Wellllllllllllll, what are you going to do to make it up to me?
Charles: Can we talk later sweetheart? I’m really busy right now.
Me: No. Give me an answer NOW. Don’t you realize what you have? I’m way too hot to be treated like this. (Disclaimer: Yes, I come across as bratty here, but it typically works when trying to get something out of him)
Charles *yelling for the first time in our almost two-year relationship*: I’VE GOT TO FIRE TWENTY PEOPLE BY THE END OF THE WEEK. Z has four kids, X just had a baby girl, Y just sent his son to college and I’ve got to get rid of two of those guys… and you’re complaining about vacations and dinner? God, you are so 24! GROW UP!
Me *stunned*: Okie dokie, let’s talk later lover.
He apologized a few hours later. He promised my age was one of the things that endears me to him the most, but that I just don’t understand the tremendous amounts of pressure he is under right now. Fair enough. But damn, it’s tough to date a banker, even for the girl on the side.
You know what else is tough? Seeing the retirement money you worked your ass off for frittered away by assholes who also apparently can’t keep their dicks in their pants. But, yeah, it’s hard for you too, Courteney. May your hair light on fire. Sincerely, Padre.