Not only is George Will the world’s preeminent scholar on arctic sea ice levels, he is also a foremost authority on fashion.
Watch your mouth, I say. That man is a saint and a fashion icon. Consider his recent piece in the Washington Post, in which he admonishes the slobs of the world for the horrid sartorial offense known as “jeans.” Will’s point is not that jeans are ugly, but that denim is the fabric that is tearing at the fabric of our grand and glorious culture or something:
Denim is the carefully calculated costume of people eager to communicate indifference to appearances. But the appearances that people choose to present in public are cues from which we make inferences about their maturity and respect for those to whom they are presenting themselves.
Now, I know what you’re saying. You’re saying “what the fuck?” But here’s the thing — jeans don’t just symbolize that you don’t care about your appearance, they symbolize that the vast liberal conspiracy to indoctrinate our children has been successful. It’s like I always say: If the liberals can’t get in your pants, they’ll become your pants:
Denim is the clerical vestment for the priesthood of all believers in democracy’s catechism of leveling — thou shalt not dress better than society’s most slovenly. To do so would be to commit the sin of lookism — of believing that appearance matters. That heresy leads to denying the universal appropriateness of everything, and then to the elitist assertion that there is good and bad taste.
In other words, jeans are just another vehicle through which the liberal nutjobs try to convince us that every American was created equal to bowtied Washington Post columnists. Crazy, right?!!
Anyway, if you’re sitting there today, ashamed that you’re wearing the uniform of the childhood-fetish-liberal-Charlie-Sheen-socialist-Seinfeld-conspiracy, worry not. Will has some advice for you:
This is not complicated. For men, sartorial good taste can be reduced to one rule: If Fred Astaire would not have worn it, don’t wear it. For women, substitute Grace Kelly.
Oh, also — “Be white.” He must have forgotten that part.
Demon Denim [Washington Post]