Monthly Archives: September 2009
Science makes monkeys racist
If you’ve ever watched a Disney cartoon movie, you know that monkeys are a gentle and fun-loving breed of animal. Sometimes they wear funny banana skirts and sing songs! They are also tolerant animals by nature, caring for other animals … Continue reading
Filed under science
RUN, YOU BIG BEAUTIFUL SON OF A BITCH, RUN!!1!!!111!!
Most law enforcement officers signed up for the job hoping to clothesline a would-be purse-snatcher or tackle a terrorist moments before he takes out a preschool classroom. Then you spend the next 20 years filling out paperwork and having teenagers … Continue reading
Filed under crime
Maybe it’s not Hitler’s head hole?
The story of Adolph Hitler’s final demise is well-known among the educated elite with whom I lunch and occasionally sup. First he yelled about getting banned from Wikipedia, then he took a cyanide pill and popped a cap through his … Continue reading
Filed under history
Friday Random 10: Tough Guy Edition
Most people who jog for exercise are carrot-munching weenies, but not Craig O’Brien. O’Brien is a tough guy. A throwback to a better time — a time when black people knew better than to be president and joggers were free … Continue reading
Filed under music
Spanking your children makes them even dumber
Researchers in New Hampshire have determined that children who are spanked more have lower IQs. This can mean only one thing — children are born with their brains in their asses. “I promise this hurts me more than it hurts … Continue reading
Filed under science
Swedish cops don’t go commando
Behold the Volvo of justice Most Americans probably aren’t aware of this, but even the horrible socialist hell-hole nation of Sweden has laws that govern its citizenry — such as a two-abortion minimum and a 92% tax on herring sandwiches. … Continue reading
Filed under journalism
Phew!
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m breathing a bit easier today now that researchers have determined that a full moon does not affect my chances of surviving open-heart surgery: A new study, which will be published in the … Continue reading
Filed under science
We had it all wrong about the mashed potatoes
In times of distress or upheaval, we turn to the so-called “comfort foods” — the familiar staples that sustain us when everything else is up in the air. Except that we don’t. YAY RESEARCH!! You’d think in times of uncertainty, … Continue reading
Filed under food
Fabio is convincing
The actual world is boring today, but if we close our eyes we can imagine a world in which there exists a handsome pirate captain whose manners are surpassed only by his intellect and interest in the game of chess. … Continue reading
Filed under videos
