THE RETURN OF PERK IS A BEAST
Category Archives: basket-ball
Alright that sucked. The Celts got beat by a weak team led by a pretend superstar. At least that team is about to get King James’ balls coronated in its collective face.
Coming off a season when he was demoted from the Nets’ starting lineup to the bench because of his lack of production, Yi Jianlian might have played his final game in New Jersey.
Team sources say the Nets are interested in trying to deal the 7-foot small forward they acquired from Milwaukee last summer for Richard Jefferson. “They’re talking about moving him,” said a source.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy. Danny call up NJ and get this large Asian man to Boston. KG will bark at him 18 hours a day until he learns to play with an ounce of passion.
Remember, this almost happened. It was widely reported that had we not landed Ray Allen, our rebuilding efforts would have centered around Yi, who we would have taken with that no. 5 pick (thank God we didn’t do that, though).
But it’s not too late. Tons of potential. Tons of skills. No D, but there’s plenty of time. We’ve seen how young guys can flourish with the Big Three — look at the improvement of Rondo, Perk, Powe, and BBD. Yi can do the same.
MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
As I was watching last night’s epic (as epic as first-round matchups between two teams who aren’t going anywhere in the playoffs go) Celtics-Bulls game, I found myself marvelling at how Big Baby Davis is playing, um, just a touch over his true ability. I kept thinking, man, BBD is getting paid this offseason, and how that was dangerous.
Which reminded me of a few years back when Indiana F Austin Croshere played out of his mind for a few weeks and was rewarded with a $44 million contract in the offseason, which immediately became an absurd deal.
Because I am a genius and felt that my genius comparison skills needed to be shared, I emailed JE and Tas at The Basketball Jones — the best podcast on the planet, don’t deny it — to ask them if they had any other suggestions.
As luck would have it, my question was indeed answered on the podcast. Go to it, start watching/listening at 21:35 (it goes until 24:05). A summary: The boys don’t totally love my choice, as Tas thinks he is a good player. Of course, that’s the whole point — BBD looks awesome right now, which is why he’s going to get overpaid. He’s certainly useful, and I would love, love, love to have him back in green for the right price, but he’s not this good.
Anyway, Tas suggested Ben Gordon, who I absolutely meant to mention. Ben Gordon will cripple whatever team gives him big money (if the economy allows). JE suggested Paul Millsap, but admitted that was more because of his season than his playoffs. Tas then suggested Von Wafer, who is indeed not good and probably will get a deal of some sort, though not big money. The last real suggestion was JJ Barea, which might be the winner, except that his deal isn’t up.
Anyway, I feel like the man because they mentioned my question. And also because I’m right about it. Continue with your day.
The literally scores of citizens populating the great Pine State gathered their children from Christmas-tree harvesting preparation and fly-fishing lessons to make an important announcement: The impending Portland-based NBDL team, likely to be affiliated with the Celtics, has officially been named:
Maine’s new NBA Development League team has a name: the Maine Red Claws.
Apparently the Bearded Wonders was taken.
The name, true to the state’s lobster tradition, was announced Thursday by team president and general manager Jon Jennings on The Big Jab sports radio station. The Red Claws plan to unveil their logo in the near future.
1) The Big Jab pwns WEEI.
2) The Red Claws is a great name. Lobsters! Red Auerbach! Lesser of all evils!
Red Claws chairman Bill Ryan Jr. says nearly 3,000 fans submitted votes and selected Red Claws. Names that didn’t get the nod: Maine Beacons, Maine Crushers, Maine Destroyers, Maine Swarm and Maine Traps.
3) Is it wrong for me to hope Rajon Rondo gets a really minor injury but has to go through a couple-week rehab in Portland, and then I can buy a sweet Red Claws jersey?
4) Yeah, it kind of is. Scratch that. But I can’t wait for the logo.
5) One kind of problem: lobsters are only red when they’ve been cooked. Can we expect much of an effort from a team that, by definition, is broiled?
A controversial zone defense opposing coaches are planning
According to The Sporting News (ht: TrueHoop), that reported game of H-O-R-S-E that the NBA has lined up during All-Star Weekend will actually be a traditional game of G-E-I-C-O, thanks to some gecko’s sponsorship.
Maybe FA is right about capitalism. This is depressing.
I guess we should be happy, though — given the way corporate sponsorship goes, we probably should have expected a rousing competition of S-H-O-T-F-O-R-S-H-O-T-S-H-O-O-T-O-U-T-B-R-O-U-G-H-T-T-O-Y-O-U-B-Y-R-E-M-I-N-G-T-O-N-A-N-D-J-I-M-B-E-A-M.
Have you ever wanted to see the crazed rantings of an unbalanced fanatic on basic cable television?
If you answered yes, you’re in luck. Tonight at 10:30 (and 11:30), one of the awesomedudes of the venerable Perk is a Beast Web site takes to the picture tubes to share his insight into why commas are overrated and Dwight Howard is a chump.
All kidding aside, we hope this marks the start of a long-standing career as a multimedia triple threat for PIAB. I think the world has had enough Bob Ryan for now, right?
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You may have read the story of 73-year-old Ken Mink, who returned to college basketball after a 50+ year hiatus from the sport. He is now the oldest player in any sport in the NCAA, and the most likely to walk around the locker room naked.
Over at Freakonomics, they’re holding a contest to see who can name the inevitable Disney movie that is bound to be made about Mink. Their commenters suggest things like “Old Men Can’t Jump” and “Seasoned Veteran.”
I’m sure the Pax Arcana crew can do much better. Here’s my suggestion:
Loose Leathery Balls:
The Ken Mink Story
Your suggestions are most welcome in the comments.
I’ve been taken to task in comments today by Carl Spackler and The Padre for a shout-out to Ray Allen after his 48-minute tour-de-force in last night’s Fandango at the Forum (yes I know it’s the &^%$%ing Staples Center but I’m old-school, dammit).
But I’ll let the Chief Beaster himself deliver the fittingest of ripostes, in his inimitable, grammatically-challenged, totally boolicious style:
“I am so happy for Ray Allen, who until this series has had a miserable playoffs. I remember after Game 7 against Atlanta, when he was benched for the fourth quarter, Ray came out of the locker room and grabbed his son and daughter up in his arms and buried his face into them, as they hugged him for dear life. Being a father myself I could tell that something was bothering this man deep in his soul the way he clung to his children like that. We may never know just how much of a mental struggle these playoffs have been for that man, but he has pulled himself back up and last night delivered a game for the ages. His drive on Vujajic basically broke that kids soul. He may never be the same. Thank you Ray. Thank you.”
Wise words from a wise man.
So Carl, Padre, with all due respect: RAY. ALLEN. IS. AWESOME.
Saša Vujačić, you whiny little gnat, this is what a real shooter looks like.