Category Archives: movies

Charlie don’t surf

Pax Arcana

sam_bottoms

Actor Sam Bottoms died of a brain tumor yesterday. The name probably doesn’t ring a bell, but Bottoms had roles in some of my favorite all-time movies, including “The Outlaw Josey Wales.”

However, he will always be remembered as Lance Johnson, the surfing champion who finds himself ordered to hang 10 in the middle of a firefight in “Apocalypse Now.” Easily one of the coolest sequences ever filmed.

Sam Bottoms, Film and TV Actor, Dies at 53 [NYT]

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Watch out for fast-moving Nazi snow zombies

Pax Arcana

Most students of modern history know that Norway was occupied by Germany for much of World War II.

What you probably didn’t know is that fast-moving Nazi snow zombies still roam the fjordland, wreaking havoc on groups of young pleasure-seekers. Luckily — as contributor Fallen Angel discovered — there is a new documentary film on its way that promises to fill that knowledge gap.

Presenting, for your edification, Dead Snow:

This is a subject that hits close to home. My grandfather’s cousin Otto lives in an area with a very high concentration of murderous undead Nazi soldiers. He once had to fend them off armed only with a bucket full of frozen herring and a slingshot.

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The 100 Best Horror Movies Ever (Part VI)

Fallen Angel

Le Top 10. Happy Halloween! Now watch all these movies!

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

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The 100 Best Horror Movies Ever (Part V)

Fallen Angel

Halloween night. No more introductions. No more words. Here’s 20-16, with the 15-11 after the jump.

20.

19.

18.

(a.k.a. Dead Alive)

17.

16.

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The 100 Best Horror Movies Ever (Part IV: [not the Final Chapter])

Fallen Angel

Now we start to get to the portion of the list that is even more awesome than Corey Feldman’s Tommy Jarvis taking a machete to Jason Voorhees’ head.

I’m pumped because I finally have my Halloween movie, and 31st horror movie of the month, selected. It is the epitome of awesome, and it is called Zombie Strippers. There is no way the combination of Jenna Jameson and Robert Englund can disappoint. Number 30 will be The Exorcism of Emily Rose tonight. We’ll see if either one can make the Top 100 next year. I already know there will have to be a revision after what I watched last night, but you’ll have to wait for that.

Regarding baseball, I don’t want to think or talk about it for at least a week. I am now completely invested in the Patriots and Bruins. This is the ONLY image of the Rays I want to have right now:

40-21 after the jump.

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The 100 Best Horror Movies Ever (Part III)

Fallen Angel

This is late because the man was keepin’ me down at work today. I’m never helping Jaelynne again.

That’s funny, Game 5 still isn’t over (maybe I’ll mini-live blog in 30 minutes).

First, more costumes, then 60-41 after the jump.

Hermione!

Hermione!

Yes, that is what Fallen ANGEL goes home to every night...

Yes, that is what Fallen ANGEL goes home to every night...

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The 100 Best Horror Movies Ever (Part II)

Fallen Angel

So, I’ll be posting my second installment of this series before Game 5 of the World Series is over. That was not supposed to happen. Honestly, you can’t blame Bud Selig for actually starting the game as long as he’s not blatantly lying about the weather reports and consultations with the umpires and general managers. Plus, Upton was the savior of Major League Baseball by stealing second base and then scoring to tie the game. I just wish the umpires had been washed away with the rain (at least Tim Kellogg) for one of the worst called games I’ve even seen.

Anyway, enough with baseball. Time for more horror movies. Today is the day of the horror/comedy (with 6 +/- 2), and I come across as a horror n00b, with 12 movies released in 2001 or later. That’s about the same number of movies on the rest of the list from that time period.

80-61 after the jump.

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The 100 Best Horror Movies Ever (Part I)

Fallen Angel

I have appointed myself Pax Arcana’s resident horror movie expert based solely on the fact that I have seen Murder-Set-Pieces, and nobody else here heard of it until I told them. That being said, with Halloween (best holiday after Christmas) just five days away, I have decided to interrupt my series of increasingly depressing World Series live blogs and present to you the 100 best horror movies of all-time (at least that I have seen).

Along the way there will be random commentary. Just a basic plot synopsis and then a statement or two, the nature of which you have come to expect from my awesomeness. Be warned, there are some sort-of spoilers, but I won’t ruin anything for you. If you do not watch all of these movies in your lifetime, you fail.

100-81 after the jump.

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What a crappy week

Perry Ellis

We missed this last week, so we’re a little late to the wake, but just after learning of Bo Diddley’s death we found out Harvey Korman died.


That’s Hedley.

For our money, Blazing Saddles is the best movie ever made. You can have your Citizen Kanes, your Casablancas, your Schindler’s Lists. We’ll take Blazing Saddles every time. And Korman was a big reason for that.

R.I.P., you hilarious bastard. Thanks for all the laughs.

 

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Porn goes public

Perry Ellis

One part of Perry Ellis’s daily duties is to scan the Tooberwebs for financial news. This morning, we came across this little gem*:

“iPorn.com Acquired by AdultVest!

AdultVest.com On-line Investable Assets Reach Record High – $7 Billion

BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. — AdultVest Inc., the Beverly Hills-based investment bank that concentrates its practice exclusively on adult industry investments, mergers and acquisitions, announced the acquisition of iPorn.com () today. The acquisition coincides with the firm’s online marketplace-topping $7 billion in available capital for adult industry-related investments.

‘Ultimately our goal is to assist in bringing all the successful adult companies’ public, not just the ones we invest in. Our online investment community is now growing at the rate of $300 million per week, and quite a few of the companies listed have successfully secured funding through our online marketplace. The public wants to invest in this industry, but there are not enough opportunities out there in the public market. We are working to create those opportunities,’ AdultVest chairman Francis Koenig said. ‘I believe this is the formula to unlocking value in some of the adult industry’s hidden gems. Wait till you see what we have in store.’”

What struck us, aside from the astonishing amounts of cash people will shell out for porn, was how easily a few word changes could make a routine company press release, well, naughty:

“We are very excited about the acquisition of www.iporn.com. Investors in our Priapus Investment Fund LLC are extremely pleased to be a part of this naughty, naughty, naughty enterprise. We have very big plans for iPorn.com. This acquisition is a natural fit. Our team has incredibly strong naughty bits and we have already developed several naughty technologies that are in the process of being patented. Our developers are already hard at work on what will be ‘the Naughty platform‘ and we have begun to cut deals with naughty, naughty people. Developers, content producers, strategic partners, and investors interested in naughtiness should contact us now while we are laying pipe. We have several major acquisitions on the horizon which will complement naughtiness nicely. … I believe this is the formula to unlocking the naughtiness in some of the adult industry’s hidden gems. Wait till you see just how naughty we can be.”

(Naughty italics Perry Ellis’s)

* We’re just guessing here, but it’s more than likely that every link in this post is NSFW. And we debated about including an image, but the imagination is just so much more naughty, isn’t it?

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