One part of Perry Ellis’s daily duties is to scan the Tooberwebs for financial news. This morning, we came across this little gem*:
“iPorn.com Acquired by AdultVest!
AdultVest.com On-line Investable Assets Reach Record High – $7 Billion
BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. — AdultVest Inc., the Beverly Hills-based investment bank that concentrates its practice exclusively on adult industry investments, mergers and acquisitions, announced the acquisition of iPorn.com () today. The acquisition coincides with the firm’s online marketplace-topping $7 billion in available capital for adult industry-related investments.
‘Ultimately our goal is to assist in bringing all the successful adult companies’ public, not just the ones we invest in. Our online investment community is now growing at the rate of $300 million per week, and quite a few of the companies listed have successfully secured funding through our online marketplace. The public wants to invest in this industry, but there are not enough opportunities out there in the public market. We are working to create those opportunities,’ AdultVest chairman Francis Koenig said. ‘I believe this is the formula to unlocking value in some of the adult industry’s hidden gems. Wait till you see what we have in store.'”
What struck us, aside from the astonishing amounts of cash people will shell out for porn, was how easily a few word changes could make a routine company press release, well, naughty:
“We are very excited about the acquisition of www.iporn.com. Investors in our Priapus Investment Fund LLC are extremely pleased to be a part of this naughty, naughty, naughty enterprise. We have very big plans for iPorn.com. This acquisition is a natural fit. Our team has incredibly strong naughty bits and we have already developed several naughty technologies that are in the process of being patented. Our developers are already hard at work on what will be ‘the Naughty platform‘ and we have begun to cut deals with naughty, naughty people. Developers, content producers, strategic partners, and investors interested in naughtiness should contact us now while we are laying pipe. We have several major acquisitions on the horizon which will complement naughtiness nicely. … I believe this is the formula to unlocking the naughtiness in some of the adult industry’s hidden gems. Wait till you see just how naughty we can be.”
(Naughty italics Perry Ellis’s)
* We’re just guessing here, but it’s more than likely that every link in this post is NSFW. And we debated about including an image, but the imagination is just so much more naughty, isn’t it?