What do you say we make apple juice, and fax it to each other?

It’s such a simple idea. Take old episodes of “Star Trek: The Next Generation,” and re-dub the actors’ lines based on what it looks like they’re saying. So simple, yet so giggly.

Via Warming Glow

Monday Random 1

Sorry about the lack of a random 10 post on Friday. I’ve been up to my ears in automotive hassles for more than a week now (do you have any idea how difficult it is to train a bonobo to drive a standard shift?), and could not attend to my normal meaningless rituals.

Same goes for today, as Thanksgiving is breathing its hot turkey breath down my neck and there is much to do. So for today, please enjoy this charming tale of a man who once cut the paws off kangaroos, and the asshole who yelled at him for doing it wrong.

Leopard seals will feed you penguins

Not only is the below video among the coolest filler we’ve ever featured, but it’s also confirmation of my long-held belief that leopard seals are the grandmothers of the ocean. “Here, eat this half-dead penguin,” they say. “You look too skinny!”

The giant seagull is suspicious

Police in Australia took a break from chasing down stoned wallabys this week to reopen a decades-old murder case. The Australian news media volunteered to help the effort by calling for information from the public.

Here’s where it gets weird. In this clip from Channel 9, news reader Peter Hitchiner describes the story. Look closely at the background. If you squint your eyes and focus just past his right shoulder, you’ll see a menacing figure pass through the inky shadows behind him. Pay close attention, though, because it happens quickly:

Did you see it?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t trust this fucking enormous seagull. How did it get so big, anyway? My guess is murder made him so big. Or trans fats. Or science. But really — murder.

Fabio is convincing

The actual world is boring today, but if we close our eyes we can imagine a world in which there exists a handsome pirate captain whose manners are surpassed only by his intellect and interest in the game of chess. After that we’ll imagine that Fabio is a good actor, when not getting goose-faced:

Via Everything is Terrible [Home]

Our candidates are better

Many who live in the greater Boston area will go to great lengths to proclaim it the greatest spot on earth — a veritable wellspring of sunbeams and pleasure cruises set to the cadence of an Irish poet. I’m not like that, but I will say the following: Those of you who don’t live here are really missing out on the opportunity to vote for Tito Jackson (as am I, since I don’t technically live in Boston).

Anywhoo:

The most 80s-ist thing ever

Pax Arcana

People like to make fun of the 1980s because they were — and this is not up for debate — the lamest time in the history of American culture. Honest to God there were two or three years there where Spuds Mackenzie could have been elected to Congress.

As a child of that era, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that it wasn’t my fucking fault. Yes, I wore Jams and got my haircut like McGyver and bought a Glass Tiger album. But what the fuck did you expect from an entire generation that grew up with shit like this pushed in our face all the time?

Seriously, every time I see some 23-year-old wearing cheap-ass retro 1980s sunglasses, I want to curb stomp his ass. The 80s were like the bubonic plague only worse.

Videogum’s Teen Korner: Learn How 2 Be Cool With Malcolm Jamal Warner [VideoGum]

I like Shatner’s version

Pax Arcana

I’ve tried to ignore the dim light shining down upon us from the great American north, but I admit I am captivated by the free-form verbal jazz odyssey that former Alaska governor Sarah Palin has been on lately. And nothing brings her, um, talents into sharper relief than this clip of William Shatner doing a dramatic reading of her farewell speech:

Thursday filler: Caucasian

Pax Arcana

Because it reminds me of shooting hoops with Father Scott in the office parking lot:

Via Perk is a Beast

Monday Filler: Hard Times Illusion

Pax Arcana

Illusions are all the rage at Pax recently, and this one may be my favorite of all time. Be sure to follow the instructions carefully otherwise you won’t be able to see it.