Category Archives: zombies

Our undercover agents are everywhere

Pax Arcana

The charming rake pictured above is Rick, who is described in this article in Bizarre magazine as a gentle soul from Montreal who was inspired by a love of the macabre to get his entire body tattooed to look like a zombie.

Obviously that’s not the whole story.

Rick is actually a key member of the Pax Arcana Anti-Zombie Intelligence Brigade — an elite force of spies dedicated to using stealth to help win the war on the undead.

I know what you’re saying. You’re saying “Why are you writing about an undercover agent on the Internet? Won’t the zombies figure it out?”

I say you ask an awful lot of questions for a rookie. I’m gettin’ too old for this shit.

Zombie Boy [Bizarre]

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Oh we are even more screwed

Perry Ellis

Thank Baldr we’ll be safely ensconced at home with Buster Ellis, with the doors locked anda great big can full of zombie whupass, when this scourge hits our shores:


Now they have their own fucking band!?

At least we have this going for us:


Take that, zombie musician bitches!

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This day in history

Perry Ellis

On this day in history, the following notable events occurred:

In 1809, Mary Kies of South Killingly, Conn., became the first woman to be granted a patent. The patent was for the rights to a technique for weaving straw with silk and thread.

In 1821, Napoleon Bonaparte died on the island of St. Helena.

In 1864, American newspaper writer Nellie Bly was born.

In 1891, Carnegie Hall (then known as Music Hall) opened in New York City, with Peter Tchaikovsky as guest conductor.

In 1925, John Scopes was arrested in Tennessee for teaching Darwinism.

In 1961, Alan Shepard became the first American in space.

In 1981, Bobby Sands of the Irish Republican Army died in a prison hospital on the 66th day of his hunger strike.

In 2004, Pablo Picasso’s “Boy with a Pipe” became the most expensive painting ever sold.

And, of course, in 1976, a woman in New Jersey gave birth to a beautiful, blond, 17-pound Viking warrior destined to save the human race from the triple-threat scourges of zombies, bad food and silly ideas.

 
             I can has razor pleez?

Happy Birthday Paxman! We’ll be thinking of you tonight, as you sip mead from the skulls of your enemies, during our 2-hour infant CPR class.

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AAAAAHHHHH!!!! AHHHHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pax Arcana

Futhermore, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Pax Arcana surrenders to robots, zombies, and scientists

Pax Arcana

Everybody stop what you’re doing this instant.

I have just been handed an urgent and terrifying news bulletin.

The noble warriors at Pax Arcana — and its legion of flying shark Vikings — have announced their intention to surrender in the war against robots, zombies, and scientists.

Their numbers are too great. Their thirst for brains, fuel, and power is too strong.

To those adversely affected by our decision, I apologize. We entered this war with every intention of vanquishing our common enemies.

In a final gesture of mercy, the coalition we have fought so hard for so long have offered us terms of surrender that we would be fools to decline. We have posted the full surrender compact after the jump. Continue reading

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Sharks bitey and killy this year

Perry Ellis

We’ve already exceeded last year’s sharkly death toll, according to The Associated Press (via Boston.com):

“An Austrian tourist died Monday after being bitten by a shark while diving near the Bahamas in waters that had been baited with bloody fish parts to attract the predators.

Markus Groh, 49, a Vienna lawyer and diving enthusiast, was on a commercial dive trip Sunday when he was bitten about 50 miles off the coast of Fort Lauderdale…”

Are the Flying Shark Vikings turning against us? Know fear.


Let’s just hope that was a zombie.

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Attack of the Viking death spores

Perry Ellis 

Run for the hills! Those crazy Scandinavians are at it again, this time risking the infection of the rest of the world with runaway doomsday Viking spores that turn their victims into slavering, flying-Viking-zombie-killing-shark-killing Viking zombies.

Wait. Scratch that. I misread the headline. Turns out it’s just a big box in the Artic Circle for storing seeds. Or something. No Vikings. No spores. No doomsday. No zombies. No flying Viking sharks killing zombies.

 No fun.

But at least we have this monkey:

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Filed under environment, scandinavia, science, Vikings, zombies