WANT!!!

I am a strong and virile man, with a gruff disposition no tolerance for all that namby-pamby shit. In fact, I am best known three things:
1) Chopping wood with the sides of my hands
2) Scaring off neighborhood ruffians with a glare and a low growl
and
3) Stirring boiling liquids with my fingers
Despite this overflow of machismo, [...]

You are how you drink

Pax Arcana
A British psychiatrist recently studied 500 people in bars, and says he’s narrowed drinkers into eight categories based on how they hold their drinks. Categories include The Gossip — usually a woman who leans over her wine glass (held by the bowl) to tell secrets to her friends — and The Jack-The-Lad, who sits [...]

Drunk driving totally cool in campgrounds

Pax Arcana
According to Universal Hub, the Massachusetts Appeals Court recently overturned someone’s drunk driving conviction on the grounds that he was on the grounds — of a campground. Full of coffee grounds. Behind the Ground Round.
What?
Oh yeah — apparently they can’t give you a DUI anywhere other than a public road. And despite the fact [...]

I am having trouble with this headline

Pax Arcana
OK, so there was this story in the New York Times today, and it had to do with a very serious issue — namely, an increased risk of throat cancer among certain people.
Which people? Well, it’s hard to know exactly how to phrase it. Let’s say your parents or grandparents were from a foreign [...]

Wisconsin is drunk

Pax Arcana
My brother moved to Wisconsin several years ago in order to infiltrate the Greater Sheboygan Grand Order of Caribou Club. I can’t tell you why, but I will lean toward you menacingly and tell you that revenge is serious business within the Scandinavian American community. We consider it a dish best served cold with [...]

A great loss for beer lovers everywhere

Pax Arcana
A few months ago, we reported on the groundbreaking work being done by the geniuses at the MillerCoors brewing company, which had just announced a new line of craft-style Miller Lite. The new beers were aimed at beer connoisseurs like me who demand craft beer-sounding names without all that annoying craft beer quality.
I have [...]

Danger lurks at every fun, delicious turn

Pax Arcana
One of the most annoying things about being a newspaper or wire service reporter is that you typically have no control over your own headlines.
I can only assume that’s what happened to one hapless AP reporter, who filed a sober, well-researched, and touching story on the dangers of binge drinking on college campuses. A [...]

I need Pedialyte

Pax Arcana
Posting may be slow today, on account of Pax Arcana and the silky and tremendous Mrs. Pax Arcana headed down to Central Square last night to see Frightened Rabbit — who absolutely crushed it.

Unfortunately they played well past my normal bed time (8:19 p.m.), and TT the Bear’s suffers from an infestation of hipster [...]

Friday Random 10: Keep Crappy Beer American Edition

Pax Arcana
A few months ago we discussed briefly the merger of Coors and Miller — and the absurd marketing gimmicks that are sure to follow such consolidation.
The good news, for lovers of beer-flavored water, is that Anheuser-Busch is fighting the good fight against a hostile takeover bid from Belgian beer behemoth InBev. This article in [...]

Your beer isn’t full

Pax Arcana
It looks like John McCain’s dementia-fueled pledge to veto beer was just the opening salvo in the war on crisp, cool, alcoholic refreshment. According to this article in the Wall Street Journal, rising beer prices (gas, hops, barley, blah blah blah) nationwide are resulting in a spike in short pours and deceptive glassware.
Check it [...]