Yi!

Father Scott

Alright that sucked. The Celts got beat by a weak team led by a pretend superstar. At least that team is about to get King James’ balls coronated in its collective face.

But worry not Celts fans. Because look at this tasty nugget from the New York Daily News (via ESPN):

Coming off a season when he was demoted from the Nets’ starting lineup to the bench because of his lack of production, Yi Jianlian might have played his final game in New Jersey.

Team sources say the Nets are interested in trying to deal the 7-foot small forward they acquired from Milwaukee last summer for Richard Jefferson. “They’re talking about moving him,” said a source.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy. Danny call up NJ and get this large Asian man to Boston. KG will bark at him 18 hours a day until he learns to play with an ounce of passion.

Remember, this almost happened. It was widely reported that had we not landed Ray Allen, our rebuilding efforts would have centered around Yi, who we would have taken with that no. 5 pick (thank God we didn’t do that, though).

But it’s not too late. Tons of potential. Tons of skills. No D, but there’s plenty of time. We’ve seen how young guys can flourish with the Big Three — look at the improvement of Rondo, Perk, Powe, and BBD. Yi can do the same.

MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

Democrats hate a winner

Pax Arcana

Via Universal Hub comes this hilarious nugget from the San Francisco Sentinel’s coverage of the Democratic National Convention last night. In case you missed it — while you were openly mocking Alex Rodriguez and the hilariously retarded children of George Steinbrenner — the Democrats officially nominated Barack Obama last night.

Here’s what happened when it was Massachusetts’ turn:

There were a few boos at one point — when Massachusetts cast its vote and gave a nod to its sports teams, the Red Sox and the Celtics, the current baseball and basketball champions.

Rumor has it those same boo-birds almost booed New York’s celebration of the Superbowl champion Giants, but stopped short when a dozen union chiefs lifted their index fingers to their lips in unison. It would be a shame if all of Iowa’s building permits were to, you know, get lost or something…

Booing the Great State of Massachusetts [Universal Hub]
BARACK OBAMA WINS DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION FOR UNITED STATES PRESIDENT [Sun-Sentinel]

Easily the greatest headline ever

Pax Arcana

From Perk is a Beast:

Shirley looks okay, but what happened to Laverne?

Bill Plaschke is sensitive

Pax Arcana

Bill Plaschke is ostensibly a sportswriter for the L.A. Times, but really he’s a ceaseless campaigner for TV time on those ESPN wind-tunnel laboratories like Around the Horn. I would give him credit for coming across as smarter than Jay Mariotti, but that’s akin to giving credit to someone for not eating his own feces.

Anyway, last week Plaschke wrote a column for the Times in which he asserted that Paul Pierce was faking the knee injury he suffered in Game 1 of the NBA finals. I think Plaschke’s assertion was callous, juvenile, and insensitive. The well-meaning lads at Perk is a Beast think Plaschke is a “fat, pathetic, miserable, would be metro-sexual d-bag” with a “simian brow and matching intellect.”

Now Plaschke is complaining that he got even worse treatment than that in his email inbox. One Celtic fan wished Plaschke would shuffle off to the great sportswriter’s buffet in the sky:

“I hope you . . . get cancer and die,” he wrote. “Why don’t you just die or quit, you ugly fat (bleep). I’m going to find out where (a relative) is buried and me and my buddies are gonna dig (the) skeleton up.”

Then — just one day after questioning the integrity of a man who collapsed in a heap of pain after hearing a popping sound from his knee — Plaschke calls upon the Gods of decency to save him from the barbarians at the gates of his email inbox. After contacting the sender of the email — and not receiving an apology — Plaschke sums up the episode thusly:

In an age when an e-mail has no conscience and anonymity knows no fear, that passion can quickly get personal.

I’m sorry, but was there an age when e-mail had a conscience and anonymity was scared of stuff? Was there a bygone era when passion kept to itself and refused to get personal? When sportswriters of yore wore powdered wigs and were permitted to publish all sorts of jackassery without fear of being called on it and, yes, being subjected to hyperbolic vitriol from those who disagree?

Then it’s settled. We shall build a time machine post-haste and return to that age. In the meantime, Bill Plaschke can return to his normal schedule of saying stupid stuff and whining when people get mad about it.

Nasty attacks should be banned in Boston [LAT]
If Shit Were Electricity, Plaschke Would be a Powerhouse [Perk is a Beast]

Coco loco

Perry Ellis

We missed this last night, because these days we’re more about basketball than baseball (for one thing, it’s only June and for another, the Celtics & Lakers are tilting for the milkshake trophy), but apparently Coco Crisp (insert sugary cereal joke here) pitched a nutty last night in the Lyric Little Bandbox:

d
“I will break you!”

Wait, it gets better. That wasn’t the only spat of the night, evidently, because The Greek God of Walks and Manny “Wherever They Pitch It I Hit It” Ramirez got into a little kerfluffle in the dugout:

“Looks like Youkilis questioned Manny on either not playing in the outfield or not doing enough in the brawl and Manny reacted and they had to be separated.”

It’s true. Baseball really is all about chemistry.

Basketball Dirty Water: Game One

Pax Arcana

We’re more baseball than basketball over here, but please take a minute to catch up with Perk is a Beast on the occasion of the Celtics’ game one victory last night.

Here’s their typically measured assessment of the third quarter:

“Maybe the greatest twelve minutes of basketball played since Larry Bird had the ability to bend over and Magic could go out in public without a bra on.”

Go read the whole thing.

Perk is a Beast [Home]

The Globe almost has this Web thing figured out…

Pax Arcana

Here is what famed Boston sports yahoo and pop culture enthusiast Bill Simmons has to say about the L.A. – Boston basketball rivalry in the most recent edition of ESPN the Magazine:

Boston beat L.A. for the title eight straight times before falling in 1985. If that’s a long-standing rivalry, so is Tom vs. Jerry, Andy vs. The Sistas and hammer vs. nail. Isn’t it more of a “recent rivalry that was once a relentless butt-whupping”?

Here’s what Globe columnist Bob Ryan has to say that about that on his blog at Boston.com:

There is a younger writer of great renown who loves the Boston Celtics, which is fine. He commands an enormous national audience, who have come to regard him as The Authority on all things Celtic. And he has an exhaustive knowledge of the current team. No problem there.

…

I’d tend to forgive him on the basis of him not being there, but that would mean that history requires that you had to be there. I wasn’t present for the Gettysburg Address or the Bobby Thomson home run, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have a good idea of what it must have been like to be there. That’s what being an historian entails. You do your homework.

…

And if this pundit had done his due diligence on the Celtics and Lakers of the ’60s he would known that it was very much a rivalry. The Celtics might have won all six meetings, but it didn’t always feel like it, not with Elgin Baylor and Jerry West around.

I don’t particularly care who wins this argument, as long as it ends soon.

Wait. Was it Gene Simmons Bob Ryan doesn’t like, or Richard Simmons? Who’s this Bill Simmons?

I do care to point out Ryan’s refusal to name the object of his derision or, God forbid, link to the offending article. It seems that Ryan is falling into the trap of playing by print rules on Web turf. I don’t advocate using the Web as a platform for slander or ad hominem attacks on other writers — I’m arguing that where print venues once conferred upon columnists the ability to call down the thunder from on high with thinly veiled insults, the Internet requires greater frankness. If you hadn’t read Simmons’ column already, you may have no idea who Ryan is talking about. Even if you could guess who he was referencing, you’d still have to click multiple times to find it — only to be disappointed that you waded all the way over there for what amounts to a minor schoolyard dust-up.

Just sayin’.

I can be objective about the Lakers. And, objectively speaking, I say they suck [ESPN]
Tinseltown Boys

Because it’s still funny for some reason

Pax Arcana

Larry Bird will dominate your local video arcade

Hat tip: With Leather

Bill Walton thinks the Celtics won the whole thing

Pax Arcana was watching the SportsCenter recap of the Celtics opening night victory over the Washington Gay Republicans when Bill Walton confused us by saying the following:

“It’s been 22 years since the last Celtics championship. The drought is finally over.” 

We think Bill may have been hitting the “mostly Maui Waui but it’s got some Labrador in it” a bit hard over the summer.

Celtics 103, Wizards 83 [Boston Globe]