You can, in fact, freeze your ass off

Pax Arcana
The Scandinavian nations boast some of the healthiest people on earth, with Iceland, Sweden, and Finland placing in the top 3 on Forbes’ list of the healhiest nations (Norway was disqualified for filling out its paperwork in troll blood).
I always assumed that the good health of those people was due to their outdoorsy lifestyle [...]

“Dude, are my balls supposed to, like, be this color?”

Pax Arcana
Everybody knows Michael Phelps should be frozen solid, ground into a fine powder and left to melt in the hot sun for having the temerity to be photographed indulging in recreational drug use. It was an affront to Jesus, your grandmother, and the American flag.
Unfortunately our righteous fury at Phelps’ satanic devotion to commie-weed [...]

We are all equally as likely to die

Pax Arcana
This may be nitpicking, but is anyone else bothered by the grammatical construction contained in the following sentence?
A new study, which followed the health of more than 90,000 women over an average of more than seven years each, found that those who attended services were one-fifth less likely to die than those who did [...]

Vegetarians are getting dumber

Pax Arcana
Scientists at Oxford University have discovered that people who consume an all-vegetable diet are six times more likely to suffer from “brain shrinkage,” which sounds like a made-up disease from a slapdash 1970s sci-fi movie.
As it happens, the human body — which evolved over a few hundred thousand years to digest meat as part [...]

The Red Sox are good for you

Pax Arcana
It appears that watching punchy ragamuffin Dustin Pedroia trot around the bases (and pump his arms like an officious schoolyard bully from Our Gang) is not only annoying to Yankee fans, but may also make Red Sox fans healthier. Or something.

Can D.P. cure your V.D.?
Freakonomics points to a three-year-old issue of a Blue Cross [...]

Your menu is lying to you

Pax Arcana
I have a bit of news to share this morning, but first I want you to brace yourselves.
You ready?
As it turns out, those nutritional information guides at chain menus are less accurate than Ray Allen in the postseason.
According to a Scripps-Howard investigation, major “casual dining” chains understate the amount of fat and calories in [...]

The poor are even better at dying than they used to be

Pax Arcana

While overall life expectancy has risen since the 1960s, the Harvard School of Public Health says poor people are even better at dying than they were back when Pappy would set his own broken leg with an ironing board and a rusty bicycle chain:
“There has always been a view in U.S. health policy that [...]

Your shoes suck

Pax Arcana
By this time next year, expect to see an awful lot of white people walking around gentrifying urban areas totally barefoot.
That’s because, according to this article in New York Magazine, there is a growing body of evidence that shoes — all shoes — are bad for human feet. They’re so bad, in fact, that [...]

The epileptics wish you would stop stuffing things in their mouths

Pax Arcana

If this blog is about anything, it’s saving lives.
First we taught you how to motorboat that collapsed fatty back to life. Now we bring you the following important message:
Swallowing your own tongue is pretty much impossible, so epileptic people kindly ask that you stop shoving things in their mouths during seizures.
From the Times:
Ryan Brett, [...]

Old Ad Wednesday

Pax Arcana
Because no single blog on the bloggernet is better than us at creating recurring blog features that we never fall through with (RIP “Pax Gastronomica,” “Tuesday Tubby Tearfest,” and “Ask Fidel”), I proudly present a new segment called Old Ad Wednesday.
In the first installment of Old Ad Wednesday, we bring you this cheerful indoctrination [...]