Most people who jog for exercise are carrot-munching weenies, but not Craig O’Brien.
O’Brien is a tough guy. A throwback to a better time — a time when black people knew better than to be president and joggers were free to scream obscenities at whomever the fuck they pleased. Bitch.
So when O’Brien was banned by a judge from jogging in Portsmouth, N.H., he did what any red-blooded awesome white patriot would do — he accepted the ban in court, then fucking yelled at the top of his goddamn lungs at any motherfucker who looked at him sideways. While jogging. In Portsmouth:
Police allege that on May 15 O’Brien yelled at someone driving on Junkins Avenue — the road leading to City Hall and the police station — and was issued a violation-level summons.
Another pending summons alleges O’Brien was disorderly on South Street by yelling profanities and continuing to do so after being asked to stop by Officer Andre Wassouf on May 23. On the same day, O’Brien is also alleged to have used “derisive or offensive words which were likely to provoke a violent reaction on the part of an ordinary person, to which he called (the alleged victim) a sissy.”
So now he’s in jail for violating bail conditions. I wouldn’t worry about him, though. Tough guys like Craig O’Brien do well in prison. I expect he will walk up to the biggest motherfucker in there and call him a butt-fucking motherfucking sissy ass bitch right to his face. He’ll be fine.
The songs:
Saturday Nite — Blitzen Trapper
Caroline, No — Beach House
About a Girl — Nirvana
The Gulag Orkestar — Beirut
Clementine — Elliott Smith
You’ve Got a Killer Scene There, Man — Queens of the Stone Age
D.A.N.C.E. — Justice VS Data
No Life Singed Her — Pavement
Return to Hot Chicken — Yo La Tengo
There’s No Home for you Here — The White Stripes
Bonus video:
It’s Thunder and It’s Lightning — We Were Promised Jetpacks
The Rules: The Friday Random 10 is exactly that — random. We open up our iTunes, set the thing on shuffle, and listen to 10 songs. We are not permitted to skip any out of embarrassment or fear of redundancy. Commenters are encouraged to post their own.
6 Comments
June 12, 2009 at 2:20 pm · Edit
So are you a homeowner now or what? And when’s the moving date so I can make plans for that weekend?
Hot Tamale Baby, Buckwheat Zydeco
Bitch, The Rolling Stones
Where I End And You Begin (The Sky Is Falling In), Radiohead
Moonglow, Django Reinhardt
Troy, Sinéad O’Connor
I Feel It All, Feist
Fun World, Mission of Burma
Mutherfuker, Beck
Good Advices, R.E.M.
Go it Alone, Beck
June 12, 2009 at 2:25 pm · Edit
You know what I don’t understand? How is it that Teixeira always looks so constipated?
June 12, 2009 at 2:46 pm · Edit
Mortgage commitment is supposed to come through today. Then I will start relaxing. Except that mortgage rates are jumping like a bitch right now. We had a chance to lock at 5.15% two weeks ago and our guy told us not to, because they would probably go down in June. D’OH!
Assuming the bank makes a horrible mistake and gives us the loan, we should take possession on June 25. We’re in California the week after that, then we’ll probably move throughout the month of July. We may be douchebags and request the help of able-bodied men for one morning of heavy-lifting, or we may just hire movers.
June 12, 2009 at 3:47 pm · Edit
1. Mark Olson & Gary Louris – Kick The Wood
2. Jimi Hendrix – Machine Gun
3. Rage Against the Machine – Roll Right
4. Otis Webster – Boll Weevil Blues
5. David Bowie – Life on Mars
6. Paul McCartney – Bluebird
7. Sparklehorse – Revenge (feat. Wayne Coyne)
8. Band of Horses – Is There A Ghost
9. Aretha Franklin – A Brand New Me
10. Swan Silvertones – A Brighter Day Ahead
June 12, 2009 at 3:49 pm · Edit
Or you could do what we did: Be douchebags and put out the call for able-bodied men.
June 12, 2009 at 3:52 pm · Edit
Make that “Be douchebags and hire movers.” We did both.