The conventional wisdom holds that the average scientist is a sweaty, heaving nerd in a lab coat — a sticky, awkward, bearded trekkie with oversized square glasses and a piece of an onion bagel lodged in his hair.
That’s true, but he’s also drunk and horny.
The proof is in the extraordinary lengths science will go to [...]
Posts Tagged as ‘science’
November 19, 2009
Science is drunk and horny
November 13, 2009
Friday Random 10: Fading Spirits Edition
Sad news from Mars this week as NASA officials are openly questioning the future of the Spirit rover, which has been cruising the surface of the red planet for six years. It’s not out of batteries or anything. It’s just kind of, well, stuck:
In April, Spirit’s wheels broke through a hard crust on the Martian [...]
November 13, 2009
Rape steps?
Have you ever found yourself walking down some steps and thinking, “Man, these steps sure are awkwardly spaced and uncomfortable”?
If so, you’re probably a rapist or something.
At least that’s the story at Tufts University, where a recent student newspaper article alluded to a set of “rape steps” placed down a gently sloping hill on campus. [...]
November 11, 2009
Fear the dookie-armored beetle
I once heard famed sociobiologist and Harvard professor E.O. Wilson say something to the effect of “I don’t know if God is responsible for life on earth, but if He is, He sure loves beetles.”
That was Wilson’s way of pointing out the remarkable diversity of the world’s beetles, about 300,000 of which we’ve classified and [...]
November 6, 2009
Lee Harvey Oswald’s picture is not a fake. (But is that the whole story?)
A Dartmouth computer scientist says an iconic photo of Lee Harvey Oswald — in which he clutches both a bolt-action rifle and a stack of Maoist newspapers — is authentic, and could not possibly have been faked with the technology of the 1960s. The photo has long been a lightning rod for conspiracy theorists, who [...]
November 2, 2009
The lions weren’t that hungry
The Tsavo lions are the most legendary man-eaters in history. According to the story, the pair was responsible for killing and consuming 135 railroad workers in a 9-month span in 1898. They even made a movie about it. I think it was called “Shit! Lions!”
Anyway, researchers now say the lions — which are on display [...]
October 22, 2009
Stop dribbling
The Grand Council of the Great and Serious Men of Science recently conducted a survey to determine which unanswered questions of science vexed us most. The results comprised the usual suspects, such as “What is the biological basis for consciousness?” and “Do deeper principles underlie quantum uncertainty and nonlocality?”
However, the most vexing of all was [...]
October 13, 2009
Toss your balls for bigger brains
Researchers at Oxford University say they have proven that juggling improves your brain, a finding that does much to support my much-criticized choice of oral surgeon — Dr. Bonkers Sneezlechips. Sure, he may dress like a clown and his nose honks like a European compact car, but he’s a wizard with the nitrous and he [...]
October 9, 2009
Take that, moon!
Whether it’s monkeying with our ocean levels or turning people into werewolves, I think we can all agree that the moon is a total douche. In fact, the moon was just awarded the Nobel Prize for Fuckfacery. So when a bunch of scientists got together this morning and fired a rocket up its ass, a [...]
September 30, 2009
Science makes monkeys racist
If you’ve ever watched a Disney cartoon movie, you know that monkeys are a gentle and fun-loving breed of animal. Sometimes they wear funny banana skirts and sing songs!
They are also tolerant animals by nature, caring for other animals of all species and color — whether shepherding Mowgli through his jungle-bound adolescence or, um, shepherding [...]
