By which I mean he likes to party. With two R’s.
Posts Tagged as ‘sports’
October 20, 2009
Your brain changes the game
It was a tough sports weekend for the house of Pax. Not only did the Giants get creamed by New Orleans, but the Yankees and Phillies took several steps closer to playing in the biggest asshole douchebag fuckface World Series of all time.
On top of all that, Steven Hauschka — the official placekicker of Pax [...]
June 16, 2009
Golf gets even dorkier
Pax Arcana
Baseball is famous for the volume of statistics used to analyze individual performance. Because there are a limited number of quantifiable results on any given pitch — and there are hundreds of thousands of pitches thrown every season — it is relatively easy to measure the success of a given player over the course [...]
June 12, 2009
Friday Random 10: Curses Edition
Pax Arcana
The Red Sox have now won all 8 games against the Yankees in 2009, and I think you know what that means:
PROBABLY NOTHING IN THE LONG TERM!
No wait. I mean:
SOMETHING SUPERNATURAL MUST BE THE CAUSE OF THIS!
Red Sox owner and animatronic pipe cleaner John Henry got things started last night, when he typed into [...]
May 1, 2009
Friday Random 10: Crazy Penis Edition
Pax Arcana
It’s pretty clear to anyone who follows sports that many professional athletes are a few oars short of a full boat. So when a seemingly down-to-earth NFL player like Chris Cooley comes along, most of us love him automatically.
For those of you unfamiliar, Cooley is a tight end on the Washington Redskins. He also [...]
April 23, 2009
MIT just got even less athletic
Pax Arcana
It was math nerds that inadvertently caused the global economic meltdown, so I guess the chickens had to come home to roost at some point. We received word today that MIT — where I once mopped the hallways as a janitor while secretly solving complex math riddles — is shutting the doors on several [...]
April 7, 2009
Let us now commence with the hype
Pax Arcana
Last year the New York Mets appeared to lose every single game in which they entered the 8th or 9th inning with a lead (they were actually fine until Billy Wagner got hurt — then they were terrible). So in the offseason the Mets replaced their wretched bullpen with a handful of proven — [...]
April 6, 2009
Gisele will pop a cap in your ass
Pax Arcana
Not only is Gisele Bundchen the world’s highest-paid model and an accomplished equestrian, she is also a straight up gangsta who will flush em and watch em go down the drain quick. That is to say she will regulate. Which is to say she will bust a cap in your ass.
According to Boston.com, two [...]
March 24, 2009
The more interesting tournament features Muffin Lord
Pax Arcana
I have lost interest in the NCAA basketball tournament already now that Maryland is out. Not because I’m a Terrapins fan, but because Maryland guard Grievous Vasquez has the best name in college sports since Craphonso Thorpe hung up his spikes a few years ago.
Thankfully, there’s an entire tournament to satisfy my giggle lust [...]
March 24, 2009
A Metstache you can believe in
Pax Arcana
Every year around this time, there is a trigger event that finally snaps me into baseball mode.
Last year it was the sight of Johann Santana long-tossing in the outfield on the first day of Spring training. The year before that it was grainy video of Daisuke Matsuzaka’s supposed gyroball.
This year it is a worthy [...]
