Question: What do you get when three of your five starters were born before the advent of electricity?
Answer: Late season suckiness
This about sums it up:
Let’s. Go. Sox.
We just added a Pownce RSS feed to the sidebar on the right. For those of you who don’t know, Pownce is a new communications platform developed in part by Kevin Rose, one of the founders of Digg.com.
Anyway, Pownce is a combination microblog/chat/IM feed that’s pretty fun. I have a bunch of invitations to hand out, so if you’d like a shot at it, send me an email. I’d love to get a few more friends on there. I tried to do the same thing with Twitter, but they just can’t get their crap together over there (RSS feeds are broken).
I don’t like how it insists on calling us Pax A., and calling the feed “Public Notes from Pax A.” but that’s what it is.
Pax Vocabularia is a low-speed thrill ride through words, both common and rare, and their correct pronunciations. For reference, we’ll use the best book in the business, Charles Harrington Elster’s “The Big Book of Beastly Mispronunciations.”
Pax Arcana is from New Jersey, a land stripped bare of artifice and pretense — a land where disparaging pork roll as gauche cuisine or reading a book not about the mafia could get you curbed with a quickness.
That said, it’s always bugged us that New Englanders ceaselessly pronounce the word “Aunt” like they just stepped off the Kennedy’s yacht at a Nantucket pier. In the Dirty Jerz, we say it the way God intended, like this: “Ant.”
Let’s see what Elster says:
“Some people insist that ahnt is necessary to distinguish their kinswoman from an insect,” writes Bergen Evans in Comfortable Words (1959). “One can only wonder from what crawling kind they come that they think the confusion is possible.”
Elster posits that ahnt is acceptable only in New England (thanks to the efforts of pompous New Englander Noah Webster) eastern Virginia (thanks to the pompous former New Englanders that govern us) and in much of the southern African-American community (thanks probably to the New Englanders who traveled south to educate former slaves during reconstruction).
Pax Arcana will continue to heap disapprobation on those who use ahnt, but with slightly less venom than before.
We suppose it was inevitable that once a critical mass of zombies were run off by rampaging hordes of Vikings (right), the remaining zombies would find a way to shrink themselves down to microscopic levels and attack us through stagnant lake water.
So far we’ve suffered six casualties.
The bearded Hun below is Markus Stoeckl, a a mere captain in the Kaiser’s army who decided to invade South America by himself on a mountain bike.
His mission ultimately failed, but in the process Stoeckl broke the world biking speed record. On snow. In the Chilean Alps.
Pax Arcana wonders why Stoeckle, or “Hercules” as some in the daredevil community call him, has to push his own bike to the top. Also, there’s this, from Wired:
Because of the extreme cold, Hercules had to hold his breath for the 40 second duration so his helmet didn’t fog up.
Entitled Hotel Chevalier, the short serves as a prequel to Anderson’s The Darjeeling Limited, which is set for domestic release this weekend. It stars Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman as romantic leads, which really should be all you need to know about the plot. [Ed. Note: Why should something be “entitled” when it could just be “titled?” Seems like overkill.]
I think Paste’s description is supposed to excite us–they’re big Anderson fans–but when they say that Schwartzman’s and Portman’s appearances are the only things you need to know about the plot, well, they’re right.
What we’re listening to as we wonder when “Don’t tase me, bro” will fade into obscurity…
Vitamins — Jay Farrar
Caring is Creepy — The Shins
Michael — Franz Ferdinand
Dracula’s Wedding — Outkast
You Can Make Him Like You — The Hold Steady
Take Me Home, Country Roads — John Denver
Magic Trick — M. Ward
Mole — The Mountain Goats
Save Us S.O.S. — Hot Hot Heat
New Style — Beastie Boys
The Funeral — Band of Horses (The Late Show with David Letterman)
From the Globe:
A technician placed her inside the large machine at about 4 p.m. on Sept. 19, dimmed the lights so she could relax and told her not to move during the 25-minute procedure.
“At some point, my mom lost track of time and felt like too much time had passed, but she couldn’t look at a clock or anything because it was dark,” her son Ariel Tellez said.
After calling out, then screaming for help, she said, she spent several hours trying to free herself from the machine. Finally, she wiggled out from under a heavy blanket and out of the machine. By the time deputies found her, it had been five hours since she was placed inside.
Pax Arcana’s own story of medical horror after the jump.
Perry Ellis and the sumptuous, Sanskrit-literate Mrs. Ellis are headed to the jewel of the Caribbean tomorrow: Puerto Rico.
Actually, we’re heading to Vieques, the former U.S. Navy bombing ground and current resort Nirvana.
There I plan to gorge on lechón asado, laze in the sun, sup mojitos and leave the posting duties to my gracious host Pax Arcana.