Pax Alma Mater: Subject of widespread (and justified) ridicule

This is kind of old news for those of us who get the college newsletter, but Middlebury College has recently earned a bit of notoriety of late on account of a bunch of students starting a Quidditch club.

Pax Arcana and the Harry Potter phenomenon have lived under an uneasy truce since about 2002, when we realized we had a better chance of living in a marshmallow castle with Liz Phair than convincing the world that there was something profoundly silly about investing so much of our cultural capital on books that are meant for children. Since then we have watched as millions of otherwise intelligent adults have practiced a distinctly creepy ritual of self-infantilization — fording through thousands of pages of goofy, juvenile fantasy scripts only to emerge on the other side with annoying justifications for the practice, like “the books are really good,” and “the characters are fun” and “why did you stab me?”

The ridiculousness of the Quidditch fetish (and if devoting hours of your time trying to mimic an imaginary game from a series of children’s books isn’t fetishistic, I don’t know what is), has finally hit the blogosphere, as literally dozens of blogs have commented on the below video clip, in which a Vassar College student describes his club’s intention of challenging at the — get this — Quidditch World Cup at Middlebury:

And, because Pax Arcana has vowed not to allow ourselves to get too worked up about this stupidity, we’ll just quote some other people:

“People say a lot of bad things about frat boys, but I, for one, would love to see some popped Abercrombie collars and feathered bangs beating the shit out of these people.” – With Leather

“God I’m angry.  I’m going to punch every inanimate object I see, beginning with homeless people and eventually moving my way up to white babies (not that white babies are higher up, just that I don’t see black or Mexican kids playing goddamned Quidditch).  This is what happens when people stop beating their kids.  I don’t want to live in that world and if I have to smack your kids myself until they learn that there is such a thing as a stupid idea, so be it.

And if you’re keeping score at home, people who play quidditch just shot to the top of my list of people I want to stab, just above guys that listen to techno in their car, club promoters, white guys with dreads, and the cast of Sunset Tan.” – FilmDrunk

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10 Comments

Filed under Middlebury

10 responses to “Pax Alma Mater: Subject of widespread (and justified) ridicule

  1. fatherscott

    If it makes you feel any better, the Panthers are ranked no. 1 on http://www.d3quidditch.com.

  2. You won’t be surprised that this doesn’t make me feel any better.

  3. This is the first time in years I’ve been tempted to refer to anyone as an “ass clown.” And I thought I saw a lot of stupid shit going to school in the city…

  4. The Crack Staff @ Perkisabeast.com

    Seriously,

    I would have fuct these people’s worlds up if I were still there. Ann Hanson might have to get a restraining order out now. My desire to urinate on the dorm room doors of these dweebs is almost irrepressible. What Middlebury needs is a size 10 enema and I got just the boots for the job…

  5. Perry Ellis

    Perk, I know for a fact you can give only the size 12 enema with those giant shitkickers of yours, ya Bigfoot. Not mention the size 14 rowboats Pax clomps around on.

  6. You leave Ann Hanson out of this. That woman is a saint and an elegant lady. And her husband totally got me in there.

  7. thecrackstaffatperkisabeast

    There is a rose bush in the Hanson’s back yard with my name on it. The only reason I have Midd Paper – Ann Hanson. The woman is a saint.

    On an aside,

    I love that McCardell now travels the country trying to lower the drinking age. John, it won’t bring Ryan Waldron back.

  8. Hey, thanks for the shout out, and be honest, you want to murder those people, right?

  9. I want to cast a Paximonius Degradorum spell on them and send them to the land of the wiggly wumps, where the evil sorceress Minora lords over the magical forest of Dingleberry-on-Taint.

  10. The Crack Staf @ Perkisabeast.com

    I think a little of my Battel recipe for revenge is in order. I used to make love to myself 8 or 10 times, wiping the residue of each passionate stroke on the doorhandles of the hallmates kind enough to call security on me. I think this needs to be done but on a grander scale and possibly with a fecal element involved. I’m just saying…

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