Sorry, professional athletes, but we don’t have corporate sponsorship for your hydration needs

Pax Arcana

If you play Major League Baseball, you should be aware by now that the league cares more about its corporate partnerships than your selfish wish to hydrate in the manner of your own choosing.

That’s why they’ve banned bottled water from all MLB dugouts.

Here’s what Newark Star-Ledger reporter Ed Price learned when he questioned a “No Bottled Water in the Dugout” sign at U.S. Cellular Field (cough, Comiskey Park, cough):

Gatorade is Major League Baseball’s “official sports drink.” So instructions were sent that no player could be seen drinking anything but Gatorade in the dugout. Not even Aquafina, which is the “official water” of MLB. Not even bottles of water with the labels removed.

White Sox clubhouse personnel said if players take bottled water onto the bench, all the bottled water will be removed from the clubhouse as punishment.

It’s got electrolytes. And that sounds kind of sciencey, so you know it works

I’m assuming it’s okay for MLB players or, more likely, trainers, to fill up regular old water bottles for dugout use. Hell, they could probably even have a Gatorade logo on them.

But where does this end, people? Am I going to turn on the Mets game only to see the KFC-sponsored 5th Inning Fried Chicken Chow Line and Ramon Castro downing one of those cheesy chicken buckets before heading back out on the field? Can C.C. Sabathia’s belt buckle survive the Cinnabon 7th Inning Stretch?

Don’t drink the water! []


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