Meet your new Secretary of Defense

Pax Arcana

Make no mistake (that’s how you know I’m serious — when I say “Make no mistake” right before I say something): the terroristic, robotic, and zombiotic threats that face our nation are very real and very dangerous.

Too dangerous, in fact, to be left to the uncreative amateurs like those pencil-pushers at the CIA, FBI, TSA, NSA, and VH1.

To protect our nation, and its many, many probably-not-gay children, we’ll need to call in the experts.

We need the science fiction writers.

Luckily, a group of them calling itself SIGMA has stepped up to the challenge. From the National Defense blog:

Now a fixture at Department of Homeland Security science and technology conferences, SIGMA is a loosely affiliated group of science fiction writers who are offering pro bono advice to anyone in government who want their thoughts on how to protect the nation.

Because who better to protect us against political fanatics like Al Qaeda than a bunch of guys who religiously Tivo Dr. Who and periodically dream up galactic stem winders about three-titted orange aliens?

I just hope someone in our national government has the good sense to take these forward-thinking men seriously:

The group has the ear of Department of Homeland Security Undersecretary Jay Cohen, head of the science and technology directorate, who has said he likes their unconventional thinking.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that if these paragons of creativity — these mavens of interstellar narrative — can protect our nation, what else can they do?

For starters, they can lower our health care costs:

Among the group’s approximately 24 members is Larry Niven, the bestselling and award-winning author of such books as “Ringworld” and “Lucifer’s Hammer,” which he co-wrote with SIGMA member Jerry Pournelle.

Niven said a good way to help hospitals stem financial losses is to spread rumors in Spanish within the Latino community that emergency rooms are killing patients in order to harvest their organs for transplants.

“The problem [of hospitals going broke] is hugely exaggerated by illegal aliens who aren’t going to pay for anything anyway,” Niven said.

Hugely exaggerated, indeed.

Science Fiction Mavens Offer Far Out Homeland Security Advice [Security Beat]

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1 Comment

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One response to “Meet your new Secretary of Defense

  1. fatherscott

    Paul from The Biggest Loser added some glasses and lost all that weight after all…

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