A brief list of things that suck, after watching the Celtics lose to the Hawks, which, by the way, is unacceptable.
1. Sam Cassell. You should not be employed. And I don’t mean by an NBA team, I mean on Earth. I wish I worked for customs so I could deport you.
2. Doc Rivers. See no. 1. Why is Cassell getting any minutes, especially late? Why are you telling Ray Allen to shoot fading contested threes (because that was absolutely scripted)? Why isn’t Tony Allen, who I generally hate but is better than Sam Cassell, playing?
3. Referees. I hate blaming refs. I hate it. The Hawks won, I’m not making excuses. But really, there were at least two bogus fouls on Pierce. I got your gang signs right here, buddy.
4. Mike Bibby. No joke, he’s just terrible.
Yeast infections are painful
5. The Atlanta announcer. Not to step on Perk’s analytical style, but seriously, fuck this guy.
6. Josh Childress. Your afro is cool; your free throw shooting sucks.
7. Joe Johnson shooting uncontested shots. It’s been six games, hasn’t Tom Thibodeau said anything about getting a hand in Joe’s face?
8. The Hawks as underdogs. Perk had a great post about that.
9. People ripping off Basketbawful‘s Worst of the Night. Um….
10. That my friends aren’t answering my angry text messages.
11. Kevin Garnett. You know what big guy, I love you, but fucking grow a pair and go to the hoop. If I see one more 19-footer when a 6-6 guy is guarding you, or one more kick out to some schmuck like James Posey when you’re one on one in the low post, I’m going to scream. Like this. You should get 35 points a night against these losers.
Enough of this. You’re 7 feet tall. No one on the planet can guard you. Take it to the hole.
12. That I have to hear about the goddamn Golden State goddamn Warriors for another two days.
13. Tommy Heinsohn’s pharmacist. It’s postgame as I type this and he’s way too calm. Gary Tanguay should be ducking under the table cowering in fear right now, and Heinsohn should be dropping f-bombs and being taken off the air. Donny Marshall did a great job filling his shoes, though.