Canadia flummoxed by foot-infested waters

Pax Arcana

When they’re not busy explaining that, “No, sorey, American dollars won’t work up here,” and “Thanks for the invite, but we’re OK not being annexed already, sir,” authorities in Vancouver, Canada are trying to figure out why feet keep washing ashore there.

Yes, you read that right.

In the past eight months, four right feet — still in their shoes and socks — have washed ashore on the western coastline. Investigators are using good old shoe-leather detective work to run this one down, but find themselves going in circles:

The police say they are treating the cases as suspicious, but are quick to play down the wilder rumours about gangs and tsunamis. Forensic experts say it is actually quite common for body parts to become separated after they have been in the water for a long time.

Why only right feet have been found is still a complete mystery.

The police say it is possible the feet come from the passengers aboard a small plane which crashed into the water in the region several years ago – their bodies were never recovered.

Meanwhile, on a deserted island deep in the Pacific, Locke limps out of the jungle with a bone saw, dragging a bag full of feet with messages crudely tattooed on the soles.

Sorry. I finally started watching “Lost.”

Foot find confuses Canada police [BBC]



Filed under media

2 responses to “Canadia flummoxed by foot-infested waters

  1. Perry Ellis

    I hesitate to dip my toe in these waters, but as a footnote let me propose, given that clumsy dancers cite having two left feet as the culprit, that what we have here is a serial-killing bad dancer (perhaps a member of the notorious Foot Clan) who’s collecting left feet in a misguided attempt at becoming a better hoofer. Add to that, in the words of economist David Foot, that demographics account for “two-thirds of everything,” and the solution is clear: Western Canada’s dearth of good steppers is footed in the inadequate number of dancing classes available to its would-be plantigradinous multitudes.

  2. Aside from the misguided dancers, I think they’re thinking too hard. All the questions could potentially be answered the minute those with a missing right foot start to step forward.

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