I will not be milling around Pax Arcana’s central offices in downtown Somerville today, as the spry and nostalgic Mrs. Pax Arcana and I will be celebrating our 10-year reunion with former classmates at the muthereffin skool of hard knoXX in Murdah City USA.
I do have time to pass along this awesome story of one German nursing home’s unique approach to preventing Alzheimer’s Disease patients from wandering off in search of their homes.
Their solution? Put a fake bus stop in front of the nursing home. That way, when patients do make it out the front door, they’ll stop there and wait to be picked up:
“It sounds funny,” said Old Lions Chairman Franz-Josef Goebel, “but it helps. Our members are 84 years-old on average. Their short-term memory hardly works at all, but the long-term memory is still active. They know the green and yellow bus sign and remember that waiting there means they will go home.” The result is that errant patients now wait for their trip home at the bus stop, before quickly forgetting why they were there in the first place.
“We will approach them and say that the bus is coming later today and invite them in to the home for a coffee,” said Mr Neureither. “Five minutes later they have completely forgotten they wanted to leave.”
First of all, it’s awesome that they named this nursing home “Old Lions.”
Second, I see nothing wrong whatsoever with tricking these poor people into waiting for a bus that will never come.
Third, if I lived in Germany I would steal a bus, wait one block down the street, and take the first patient I spotted on the ride of his life. It would be like Thelma and Louise if one of them were a German Alzheimer’s patient and the other was a less masculine version of Geena Davis.
On to the songs:
The Inner Light — The Beatles (WTF?)
Little Saint Nick — The Beach Boys (WTF?!!?)
Caribbean Queen — Billie Ocean (WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!?!!!!!!)
Sandy — Caribou
Plateau — Nirvana
Repo Man — Iggy Pop
Rocky Mountain High — John Denver
F–ked Up Kid — Broken Social Scene Presents Kevin Drew
Yankee Bayonet — The Decemberists
California Stars — Wilco and Billy Bragg
Video Killed the Radio Star — The Wrong Trousers