I breathe on the wrong foot

Pax Arcana

Not Pax ArcanaYesterday, against the advice of my team of modeling agents and insurance adjusters from Lloyd’s of London, Pax Arcana ran the 3-mile Chase Corporate Challenge in downtown Boston.

Actually, I only ran about 2.75 miles of it.

For two city blocks about two-thirds of the way through, I was forced to slow to a walk with side stitches — those stabbing pains in your rib cage people occasionally get while running.

Here’s the thing — I get them every single time I run. I have since I was a kid. That’s partly why I gave up on running-intensive sports like soccer and gazelle tackling.

This morning I decided to consult my physician — Dr. Google — to see if I could find out what the hell side stitches are and why I get them so often.

Turns out I am breathing on the wrong foot. Maybe.

From About.com:

Exhaling when the right foot hits the ground causes greater forces on the liver (which is on the right side just below the rib cage). So just as the liver is dropping down the diaphragm raises for the exhalation. It is believed this repeated stretching leads to spasms in the diaphragm.

One possible solution is to focus on breathing out when your left foot hits the ground. As if I don’t have enough to think about with all those skinny people behind me yelling at my manservant to stop throwing rose petals on the ground. A debt of honor is a debt of honor, people.

The Side Stitch [About.com]

Added: Most of the runners out there yesterday wore shirts representing their law firms, investment banks, or consulting firms. What was Pax Arcana representing?

You damn right.

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2 Comments

Filed under sports

2 responses to “I breathe on the wrong foot

  1. I did about the same, though my problem was shin splints. And slowness. And out-of-shapeittude. A dash of fat-assity mixed in.

  2. perkisabeast

    much obliged.

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