Dolphins are gentle creatures — full of mirth and joy and delicious dolphin meat — and thus would rather flee from vicious underwater zombies than fight them head-on.
The AP reports that 15 dolphins have fled into the murky rivers of New Jersey, and show no signs of leaving:
Environmental officials and volunteers are considering various plans to try to either lure or scare the dolphins out of the river into Sandy Hook Bay and out into the ocean. But each poses potential problems, including stressing the animals, Frady said.
A team of experts from as far away as Massachusetts and North Carolina is being assembled and could be deployed on the river this week if conditions worsen for the dolphins.
I know what you’re thinking, and don’t worry, I’ve got it covered. If the situation gets too dangerous for the dolphins in the river, and they need an escort out to sea, I will personally blow the Great Horn of Hammarskjöld and call upon the Brotherhood of the Flying Shark Vikings.
Don’t worry, dolphins. We haven’t lost one of you yet.