UPS drivers go all Zoolander to save gas

Pax Arcana

Rising gas prices are more than just an inconvenience for companies that rely on the stuff. That’s why UPS instructs its drivers to conserve gas as much as possible by never, ever turning left.

I’m not kidding. Look:

Instead of wasting gas sitting in traffic, avoiding left turns keeps trucks moving and drivers have found they make deliveries faster by going right. It’s also good news for UPS’ bottom line. By turning right, the company says it saved over 3.3 million gallons of gasoline in 2007 alone.

“It’s a huge amount, and we also shaved off a total of over 30 million travel miles for our drivers,” according to Laura James, UPS’ industrial engineering manager.

When asked if he would require drivers to reverse direction to conserve more fuel (they currently race around the track counter-clockwise), NASCAR president Booger-Bob “Bubba” McCracker said “Helllllls no, sugartitties! They’s only one way to drive a race car — and that’s to the left! Besides, we already got all these left-facing tracks. Just what do you s’pose we goin’ do with dem once we build the right-facing ones, Mr. Norman Einstein?”

Also, did you guys know that the tops of UPS trucks are white? It’s true — which makes them exactly the opposite color scheme of Father Scott’s underpants (yes I will keep making fun of you until you start posting again you lazy asshole).

Right turns only! [Tampa Bay 10]