Solving hopelessness with hopelessness

Father Scott

Feel hopeless everytime you step up to the pump and dole out $90 to fill up that H2 to get you to the supermarket? Think that inflation-based raises, or simply driving less, is not solving your problem? Tired of that amateurish prostitution ring you started to pay off your Gulf card?

Well, a California state senator has a solution for you:

A California state senator hopes to pump up the lottery’s coffers by expanding prize offerings to include free gas.

Democrat Dean Florez says in a letter Wednesday to the California Lottery that such an offer would entice more people to buy lottery tickets. He argues that would raise more money for schools because they are funded partially by the lottery.

That’s right: all you need to do to keep that engine turning is start playing the lottery. There is no other economical solution for you.

OK, so we all agree that’s crazy from the consumer’s standpoint, right? So Florez must be doing this, as should be expected for anything related to lotteries, for the betterment of the state government’s stacks, right? Well, does LiveScience have a surprise for you.

But Lottery Director Joan Borucki says California can’t afford to award free gasoline. That’s because state law restricts how much lottery money can go toward prizes.

Gas prices are soaring to $5 a gallon throughout California.

So, in sum: citizens can’t afford gas, so they should spend money on lottery tickets in hopes of getting free gas in a “game” that they will always, always, always lose…except they won’t have the chance because California AS A STATE can’t afford to give them the gas as a prize.

Life is good here in the states.


1 Comment

Filed under science

One response to “Solving hopelessness with hopelessness

  1. ZOMG.

    It’s like three kinds of stupid have crashed into each other and are swirling together to form one giant maelstrom of stupid.

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