Rick Reilly is an astute theologian

Pax Arcana

Last night I watched in awe as Josh Hamilton — a recovering heroin and cocaine addict — slugged a record 28 home runs in the first round of the MLB All-Star Game Homerun Derby. I love this guy more and more every time I see him play.

Hamilton says he was saved from his addiction by committing his life to Christianity. I say whatever keeps you out of the morgue works for the rest of us — and who am I to judge someone else’s religious choices?

I’m certainly not Rick Reilly, the maudlin hack that ESPN is apparently paying $2 million a year for watered-down Borscht-belt jokes, who diagnosed Hamilton’s performance — live on the air — with his signature mix of whip-smart humor and self-awareness:

“It’s a lousy night to be an atheist,” he said.

So take heed, atheists — multi-millionaire drug addict athletes are airtight proof that God hates you with a fucking passion. Sunday school is now closed. Be sure to leave a tip in the offertory.


Filed under baseball

7 responses to “Rick Reilly is an astute theologian

  1. Colin

    Reilly was awful last night. My favorite was the part where he started talking about the lack of Hispanics in the derby, and he said it was as white as a Kiwanis Club meeting, and Karl Ravech kept trying to cut him off, and Reilly just kept going and going and going. Cringe-inducing.

  2. Seriously, that guy is not multi-media. He can turn a phrase, but that’s about it. On SportsCenter this morning, he read some kind of essay on Yankee stadium where he said (paraphrasing) the place had “seen more work than Joan Rivers’ face.”

    A Joan Rivers plastic surgery joke? Did we just wake up in 1991?

  3. Colin

    “Yankee Stadium — the only place that’s had more Yankees in it than Marilyn Monroe!”

  4. Perry Ellis

    Colin, that might be the funniest thing ever posted on this blog. Well done, sir.

  5. Not that I expect it but has anyone seen any follow up with Reilly on his dumbfuckery at the HRD?

  6. Can’t say I have, Rev. Though the dumbfuckery in question seems to have some legs.

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