The Internet is a scary place. In it you can find all manner of freaks, perverts, terrorists, pederasts, goobers, morons, deviates, degenerates, assholes, cornholes, dillholes, Pujols, and dregs.
Most of us deal with the horrors of the Internet by remaining calm and accepting that the medium itself is a funhouse mirror in which the things that frighten us are often distorted or amplified.
The rest of us become cops and politicians.
Like in England, where the cops now cower in fear of the WASP knife — the shark-inflating diving knife we told you about last month. Even though none of the knives has been used in an attack, the cops done read about it on the old computer and now say it’s only a matter of time before we’re all stab-popped by hooligans:
“This knife will almost certainly kill and the Met must have intelligence that they are in circulation. I think it is only a matter of time before one of these is used because the internet makes it much easier to find and buy weapons like this.”
That was a source within the police department, apparently. And here’s a local politician doing what they do best — exploiting irrational fears for their own advancement:
Labour MP for Perry Barr in Birmingham, Khalid Mahmood, said: “Weapons like this are absolutely disgraceful and there is no reason at all why people should be walking around the streets with them.
“There should be high-profile operations and high-profile arrests against anybody caught with them. The way to tackle the wider issue of knife crime is with effective community policing, which the West Midlands force does very well.
I agree. Thus far, the West Midlands po-po has a 100% success rate against shark-inflating diving knives, liquid nitrogen vapo-ray guns, and the deadly ACME-made sledgehammer bike that Wile E. Coyote chased the Road Runner with. So I guess they’re doing something right.