Your favorite local Padre, Fallen Angel, and the Paxman himself are in a fantasy football league at our lovely office. FA and Pax dueled it out in last year’s championship with Senor Arcana taking the crown, and FA getting hauled away in cuffs to share a cell with Cedric Benson.
This is my only reason for excitement for the coming NFL season. I’m just not a huge football fan. I’m in a pool, play flag football (as Perry showed you yesterday), and attempt to dominate our fantasy league, but for some reason it doesn’t grab me most years.
However, one thing I do is try to talk myself into the NFL every year, so my excitement level at week 1 is high. And thus, I have thoughts on what will happen this year. After the jump, Padre’s predications (only for posterity — you can find analysis and stats in a hundred other places) for the NFL and fantasy seasons.
Most previews look about the same, which is weird considering the parity we constantly hear about. Shouldn’t people expect jumps from unexpected teams? Why does everyone pick the same teams to improve (Jets, Saints, Cardinals) and same teams to decline (Cincinnati, Cleveland, Tampa)? I don’t get it. Here are my biggest risers:
1. Oakland. Solid D (from what I’ve read). Potentially historic run offense (that happens to be on my fantasy team). A rocket launcher on the right shoulder of their quarterback. I actually think they have a shot at the division.
2. Buffalo. Marshawn Lynch, baby. Plus, a good o-line and a pretty steady defense. Lee Evans makes me want to vomit, though.
Yes, sir. They can’t stop me.
3. Carolina. They finally got rid of DeShaun Foster. And Matt Moore broke his leg, which means they might actually have competent quarterbacking.
1. San Diego. Rivers is overrated. Merriman is going to fall apart. I can see this team imploding after a slow start. (This is also my prediction most likely to blow up in my face.)
2. Denver. I just have this sneaky feeling that they’re going to be absolutely awful.
3. Cleveland. This I agree with the masses about.
Also for posterity, my playoff and Super Bowl picks:
2. New England
3. Green Bay
4. New Orleans
I’ll take Pittsburgh over Dallas in the Super Bowl.
I think everyone on my team (Da Altar Boyzzz — only question going into the year, should I add a fourth Z?) will be awesome, but leading the pack will be Darren McFadden (who will play himself into a 1st-round pick in next year’s drafts), Jeremy Shockey (12 scores? I say yes), and Ricky Williams (as long as he stays away from Fallen Angel during his extracurricular activities).
This guy on Bourbon Street? Can’t go wrong.
This is also the year that Marshawn Lynch vaults himself into absolute stardom. Laurence Maroney could benefit from Belichick’s ability to constantly surprise opponents. And let’s not forget Matt Forte, Matt Schaub, Ted Ginn, Jr., Antwaan Randle El, and Maurice Morris.
And who sucks (compared to their perceived value)?
Michael Turner (Norwood’s just as good)
Lee Evans (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)
There is a 1,978% chance that Lee Evans drops this ball