Crime grinds Father Scott to a halt

Father Scott

Perry Ellis recently shared his grief over his beloved (ha!) cat’s disappearance, and now Padre shares the same worry.

Be strong, little guy

That’s right, my innocent Mickey Mouse bobblehead, a souvenir of my first work trip to Orlando, and who I lovingly refer to as Daisuke Mousesuzaka, is currently bound and gagged in our office (nice carpeting, huh?). Here’s the hostage note I received late yesterday, from the address, with the subject line “Your Mickey Bobble Head”:

Fix Tom Brady’s knee, or else you may never see your little pal again!
Strong request. Suspecting Pax and his iPhone light saber dueling companion Duellette, I sent a strongly worded reply that Padre does not negotiate with terrorists, and I threatened to “bomb the shit” out of the iPhone owners of the office were Mickey not returned. So imagine my surprise today: the saga is not over.
Hello my iPhone bombing friend,

Haha!!! You think you have this all figured out and that the iPhone owners have taken over WISted Sister Mickey. Little did you know that your friendly figurine is in possession of a non iPhone owning individual. It’s too bad that Mickey doesn’t have one of those laser shooting iPhones to use to protect himself or to call for help.If we don’t get our request soon, poor Mickey will be doomed.


And here’s the accompanying picture.

Hey that’s just like my phone

So, here’s what we know:

1. Daisuke Mousesuzaka is still healthy, though he may need an eye exam.
2. The perpetrator either has access to an iPhone (to take the pictures) or is straight-up lying.
3. The perpetrator also thinks I can work miracles, and not just in the bedroom.
4. People in my office have too much time on their hands.
5. There is a 99% chance that Pax and/or Duellette is involved in this.

Pray for Mickey.



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3 responses to “Crime grinds Father Scott to a halt

  1. Perry Ellis

    I have been remiss in my updates about that dumbass cat, who was found a little over a mile away from our place after three-and-a-half weeks on the mean streets of Somerville. He lost about three pounds (which is a lot when you onyl weigh 10) but otherwise none the worse for wear and is back to his old self, annoying the holy bejeesus out of me and the platinum-haired and pulchritudinous Mrs. Ellis.

    Condolences on your travails with the mouse, Padre. But I admire your firm stance. Do NOT negotiate with the terrorists. Ever. In the immortal words of history’s greatest warrior:

    “Crush your enemies. See them driven before you and hear the lamentations of the women.”

  2. You know damn well that if I were involved I would have just run that thing over with my car and been done with it.

  3. I know, your giant Viking hands couldn’t work that intricately with the blindfold around the mouse’s eyes.

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