The upright and fantasmagoric Mrs. Pax Arcana and I did a little house shopping yesterday. Because we live in the greater Boston area, things in our price range tend to fall between “industrial solvent manufacturing plant” and “abandoned mental hospital” on the attractiveness scale.
So we’re open to fixer-uppers, is what I’m saying.
After lunch we took a little trip out to a certain well-heeled suburb to check out a single-family home that had fallen within our price range of late. We could tell by the pictures that the layout was a little unusual and the decor had not been updated since the 1980s. But we figured it was worth a look, since we’re not averse to performing a bit of cosmetic upgrading ourselves.
The first floor was ugly but not offensive. Then we made our way upstairs and discovered this:
In case you can’t quite make it out, this is the last thing evil dictators see before they die.
Here’s a closer look at the psychotic demon succubus in the middle:
I’m no real estate agent, but I’m pretty sure one of the first rules of “staging” a house is to avoid forcing prospective buyers into defecating themselves with your creepy death totems. Just look what this one did to this handsome stranger:
Long story short, we won’t be making an offer.