Andre Ethier eats it

Pax Arcana

It appears as though Manny Ramirez’s strident intellectual curiosity and taste for the finer things have rubbed off on his teammate Andre Ethier.

The third-year outfielder was profiled in the Wall Street Journal yesterday, but not for his playing ability or fiscal acumen. Instead, it turns out Ethier is quite the foodie:

Mr. Ethier knows where to find the best throat-meat tacos in Los Angeles, the juiciest Salvadoran papusas and the city’s tastiest Romanian chicken stew. He waxes poetic about the pinto beans in his native Arizona, where they’re often pureed with cream and lard. “Here they want you to taste the bean, not the lard, which is… different.”

Ethier, who latched on to food writing as a distraction from the pressures of being a young and handsome millionaire, even has a food blog of his own — called Dining with Dre:

Mr. Ethier says he modeled his blog on his favorite foodie journal, “Feasting in Phoenix.” Each entry is structured chronologically as if the experience occurred in a single night, though it’s usually an amalgam of several visits. “I take a little creative liberty,” he says.

After taking pictures of each dish and composing the text on his iPhone over several weeks, he sends the finished piece to the Dodgers’ vice president of communications Josh Rawitch, who does nothing more than clean up typos and check his grammar and punctuation. Maggie Ethier says she was surprised to learn that her husband — who earned a C in creative writing in college — had such a clever way with words.

There are more reviews in the works: one of an Ethiopian dive, the other of a Korean barbecue joint. Mr. Ethier says he’s planning to write a culinary guide to Phoenix for Dodgers fans, now that the team is moving its spring-training operations there.

Hmmmmm. Interesting. Let’s get a sample of what he writes about over there:

I have developed a liking for Japanese food since I have had many a great dining experience with Takashi Saito and his native cuisine. When one might think of Japanese food, everyone always comes up with sushi. I know I did until I went to a few authentic Japanese places with Takashi and got the chance to experience the true Japanese food.

I was introduced to Shabu Hachi by Takashi a  few weeks ago. It sits on Olympic in Santa Monica in one of those oh-so-typical LA corner strip malls. From the outside, you have two Japanese restaurants to choose from – one being the typical sushi place and Shabu Hachi, a place offering up some of the best shabu shabu I have had and I think Takashi would agree.

I think when I speak for all food-interested bloggers when I say the following:

Fuck you, Andre Ethier. You fucking fuckface.

I’m sure you think it’s awesome to eat rosemary-speared rounds of foie gras off of naked supermodels. And I bet there are all kinds of awesome places to find fun shit to eat when you’ve got fucking hundred dollar bills spilling out of your perfect-fitting designer fucking jeans.

Well listen close, dipshit, because I don’t want to have to yell — I don’t get to OPS .846 in the majors, so you don’t get to write frivolous bullshit on the Internet. This is my world, dickhole, a haven for guys whose dreams of swatting at major league fastballs have already been crushed. Blogging about stupid crap is our refuge from the pain of our epic failure to have your life, you throbbing hairy ball sack. So take your movie star good looks and get the fuck out.

Oh, and if I see one goddamn post about zombies or vikings, I will not hesitate to rally some pipe-hitting bloggers from Perk is a Beast to fucking firebomb the shit out of your adorable little blog. Get it, fuckface?

Thank you.

The Dugout Gourmet [WSJ]
Dining with Dre [Home]



Filed under baseball, food

23 responses to “Andre Ethier eats it

  1. When Josh Rawitch was hired as vice pres of of communications, do you think “editing shitty blogs about food by someone who doesn’t know the difference between baby corn and adult corn and writes at a 5th grade level,” was the first or second line in the job description? Really Andre, you don’t have time to check your grammar? What does the president of communications do? His douchery is what is oh-so-typical LA, nice phrase you goober.

  2. Michelle

    If you have such a big problem with Andre blogging about his favorite or not so favorite restaurants, why even bother reading about them? Obviously it is making you very angry. What else is he to do when he has free time but doesn’t have enough time to go back home to his family? And, if he has the money why not spend it? He gives back to the LA community enough where I think he deserves to buy himself a nice dinner every once in a while. Since he’s out in LA he is definitely going to be trying new restaurants. Why not let him give his opinion when he LOVES food.

    You ask why I care so much?
    I am a HUGE Dodger fan and Andre Ethier is my favorite player. I care when other people are bashing on this amazing, cute ball player. He earned his job and he deserves to spend his money on whatever he wants.

  3. Perry Ellis

    Thansk for checking in, Andre.

  4. Shayee Ethier

    Dude, get your facts straight, Andre isn’t a millionaire….. YET. Its not his fault he was born talented and handsome. For every Andre Ethier there are 100 lames such as yourself who never did anything with their stupid lives. Go back to playing at your slow pitch co-ed softball league, which is as far as you’ll get in life.

  5. Get your facts straight, Shayee. It’s fast-pitch co-ed softball. And get your math right, too. For every young and handsome Andre Ethier, there are at least 20,000 lames like me.

  6. Shayee Ethier

    Its not his fault you fucken suck at life dipshit!!!!!!

  7. I know, that’s the worst part!!!!!!

  8. Shayee Ethier

    You’re pathetic.

  9. Wow. It still surprises me when people don’t get comedic writing.

    On the bright side, the short-lived Coolio feud has been replaced with this now-awesome Andre Ethier feud. Way to go, Pax!

  10. Perry Ellis

    Seriously. This is completely awesome. Well done, Pax, you are the king opf bloggers.

    In other news, I snorted coffee through my nose when I read the Pax vs. Shayee exchange. It burned.

  11. Shayee Ethier

    You wouldn’t say any of this shit to Andre’s face. Seriously shut the fuck up.

  12. I’m trying to, but you keep coming back!!!!

  13. Got his back

    Speaking on behalf of someone who knows Andre, the jealousy and bitterness is palpable. I can understand the underlying sinisism and disgruntled backlash that you have obviously felt about Mr. Ethier’s continously discussed blog along side his career success as a major league baseball player but the facts about this argument are rather simple. You want to critisize those who you are jealous of. Just as I have sat here and actually read your comments back to his younger sister I am appalled that you have even had the time in your day to think about how unsuccessful and not appreciated your own life is. You cannot lay fault on a person who is not only physically adequate to excel in his professional athletic career but also recieving accolades on a food blog that happens to be something he enjoys. I am sorry that his food blog has caused you so much grievances. God speed.

  14. That is, and I’m being completely serious, the single greatest thing that has ever been written on this blog. Please accept my sincerest congratulations, and know that I will do my best in the future to curb my “sinnisism.”

    Also, please give my regards to the person who knows Andre on whose behalf you have spoken.

  15. Perry Ellis

    I’m feeling a little critisized right now.

  16. Pingback: An open letter to Andre Ethier «

  17. Got his back

    I am glad you enjoyed that. Spell check should have been a higher priority on my list before I sent my previous comment. I have never read your blog or heard of it but as I read other blog entries I have to admit your writing is witty and entertaining. I will be sure to inform Andre of the zombies as well as the violent attack on them with bat and other heavy things.

  18. Pingback: I heard there are all different kinds of burritos «

  19. NN

    pax arcana you are a stupid asshole who obviously has no real life so you waste it on talking shit about others who have accomplished success in their profession

  20. maria sanchez

    dios te bendiga ati y a toda tu familia sabes que tu eres mi jugador faborito y que tu esposa se saco un dies con tigo porque estas bien guapo les deseo lo mejor del mundo ati a ella y a tus hijos me gustaria que me mandaras una foto tuya donde estes tu solo y que este firmada por ti que me disculpe tu esposa pero te amo eres el hombre que me robo el corazon espero que mandes la foto y un mensaje dios te guade

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