Fine, let’s liveblog this. Post away, minions (or, just Pax, from his iphone).
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I’m home in Maine at my mom’s house, watching this godforsaken series. Something just occurred to me — I should take this laptop down to the basement. Then the stereotype would be in its truest form. Like the opposite of how Evan Longoria feels about Carlos Pena.
Tim McGraw may have down’s syndrome.
Courtesy of Padre’s mom: “When I see the Phillies, you know what I think of? Boy Meets World.” She also just referred to Chase Utley as “a cute boy.”
My mom on Joe Maddon’s visit to the mound: “He must be saying, ‘what the hell’s the matter with you.’ Right?” Right, mum.
Ugh. Don’t let Garza settle in.
Joe Buck, 54 isn’t cold. Unless you’re a sackless pansy from Florida.
That’s why they call him The Bat, I guess.
How many times did McCarver rehearse the “Small ball pays off big” line this morning? I’m guessing 17,000.
Fallen Angel just joined in via text message: “22!” Also, that last defensive play was brought to you by Carlos Pena’s steroids.
Carlos Ruiz just went yard, as the kids say. I just texted FA back: “51!”
A rare call from FA clarifying that his 22 referred both to Garza and the chick from the Bud Light commercial. Let’s keep an eye out and see if she’s better looking than the Cubs fan in the MasterCard commercial.
Nice 6-button suit, Ken Rosenthal. The NBA Draft was this summer.
NICE LEGKICK BOSSMAN I HOPE IT HELPS YOU WALK BACK TO THE DUGOUT IN STYLE
I just informed FA that I’m reading old Simmons columns (his nemesis) just to piss him off and thereby bring the Rays bad luck. I happen to be reading his “An SOS for KG” column from ’06. Here’s a passage that, given the last two years, makes me smile:
“KG’s basketball career has become a borderline American tragedy. Here’s one of the greatest big men ever, one of the fiercest competitors in any sport, someone who could finish his career with historic scoring and rebounding numbers … and yet we have absolutely no clue how good he really is. He’s played with, by my count, only six quality players in his 12 seasons: Joe Smith, Stephon Marbury, Terrell Brandon, Cassell, Sprewell and Wally Szczerbiak. His only “decent” coach was Flip Saunders, who is currently running the Pistons into the ground. The guy making the player moves has always been the memorably incompetent McHale, and KG’s only owner, Glen Taylor, famously squandered four first-rounders by illegally negotiating Smith’s ill-conceived, cap-violating contract.”
I’m not watching the game, nor am I participating in the live blog. I just wanted to drop by to say “you suck” and let you know that I sincerely hope that a case of malaria ravages the Rays clubhouse.
That was a nice play by Navarro. When I infect their locker room with SARS, I’ll spare him.
And that all the Phillies contract syphilis from that stupid mascot.
I don’t know how many times the word “glide” has been used in reference to BJ Upton. It’s getting old.
Official brother of Father Scott: “That wasn’t that much ground. I could cover that with my eyes closed.”
Nice to see you Perry. I don’t know what got into me, but now I don’t see a way of stopping.
Trying to talk to my brother about what major he should choose is really cutting into my ha-ha-funny-time.
More from ’06 Simmons: “Stick Garnett in a big market with quality teammates and see what happens. We need to see what he can really do, and so does he.”
Joe Buck just made me realize something. Evan Longoria sounds a lot like the name Eva Longoria. Holy shit. Seriously.
FA checks in: “longoria suuuuuuux”. Watch out Giants, Padres, or Rangers fans, he might be looking for a new bandwagon.
I hate Matt Garza.
I spent the last ten minutes looking for this goddamn Bud Light commercial that FA loves on YouTube. Can’t find it. Is baseball still being played?
There she is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LWSujLz7kw&feature=related
Surprisingly OK, given that FA thinks Hazel Mae and Rachel Nichols are two of God’s greater creations. Good voice, uses the word “piehole”, her hair kind of sucks, but no one’s perfect. I like the MasterCard Cubs fan dancing on top of the dugout better.
Isn’t it time for Fox to change their sports coverage? They’ve had the same fonts/presentation on screen, the same song, the same futurist robot theme, for, what, ten years?
Along the same lines, Joe Buck has referred to every line drive foul ball down the third base line in his career as a rocket.
Alright, I’ve tired this. Actually, I tired before I started. And I’m in charge of texting FA play-by-play until he gets his drunk ass home, so it’s time to retire for the evening. Perhaps there will be some late-night chatter from elsewhere. I’ll tell my Ukrainian hooker you say hi.
im back fuckers
2nd, 3rd we score like clockwork.
time to come back fuckers
upton >>>>>>>>>>>>>> ellsbury fuckers
ppj and doritos fuckers
fosters time fuckers
i’m nervous as hell
fuck the world
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