So, I’ll be posting my second installment of this series before Game 5 of the World Series is over. That was not supposed to happen. Honestly, you can’t blame Bud Selig for actually starting the game as long as he’s not blatantly lying about the weather reports and consultations with the umpires and general managers. Plus, Upton was the savior of Major League Baseball by stealing second base and then scoring to tie the game. I just wish the umpires had been washed away with the rain (at least Tim Kellogg) for one of the worst called games I’ve even seen.
Anyway, enough with baseball. Time for more horror movies. Today is the day of the horror/comedy (with 6 +/- 2), and I come across as a horror n00b, with 12 movies released in 2001 or later. That’s about the same number of movies on the rest of the list from that time period.
80-61 after the jump.
80. Wrong Turn (2003)
Girl and some friends get lost and hunted in the West Virginia mountains by inbreds. Unfortunately, you are wrong if you just read that and assumed it starred Kevin Pittsnogle as a villain. Probably the most embarrassing movie on the list after Resident Evil: Apocalypse, but I could watch Eliza Dushku for 8 straight hours.
79. Maximum Overdrive (1986)
Trucks and other machines come alive and start murdering people. Emilio Estevez leads a band of survivors at a truck stop. The first and only time Stephen King directed. Features a soundtrack entirely comprised of AC/DC songs. Most people will tell you this movie is terrible. I say it’s amazing.
78. Teeth (2007)
Girl with vaginal dentata “bites” dudes’ dicks off. That’s all I’m going to say. Everyone needs to see this movie.
77. Scanners (1981)
Group of evil psychics with crazy powers try to take over the world. Pretty much the only weapon used in this movie is the shotgun, and it’s awesome. Know that animated .gif where the guy’s head explodes? It’s from this movie.
76. Slither (2006)
Parasites and slugs turn a town of people into zombies. Hilarity ensues. You’ll never want to take a bath again.
75. Hatchet (2006)
Group gets stalked by deformed killer in the Louisiana swamps. Anyone from New England needs to wild out over the Newbury Comics t-shirt that is primarily featured. Fans of Jason will love Kane Hodder running wild once again. Also, lots of boobery in this one.
74. Undead (2003)
Meteorites turn a town of people into zombies. Aliens AND zombies in one movie—it doesn’t get much better than that. Also, the fact that there is a scene that can only be described as “zombie fish punching” should be enough to make you want to see this movie.
73. Dead and Breakfast (2004)
Group of friends stop at a bed and breakfast where the town’s residents all get possessed. This was the third of Diedrich Bader’s fantastic run of 2004 cameos, following Napoleon Dynamite and EuroTrip. It also has a hilarious band that keeps popping up to progress the story. Genius!
72. Flight of the Living Dead (2007)
Essentially, Snakes on a Plane with zombies. How can that fail? It doesn’t. Also, that badass dude from Black Hawk Down who gets rescued from the first helicopter is in it.
71. 30 Days of Night (2007)
Vampires invade a small Alaskan town that won’t see sunlight for 30 days. Ooh, another Black Hawk Down alumnus. The constant darkness and graphic novel feel create a great atmosphere, and the overhead bird’s-eye shot of vampires running wild will pwn your face.
70. The Devil’s Backbone (2001)
Boy at an orphanage in post-civil war Spain is stalked by a ghost. Those of us who are cool (read: me) knew about this dude named “Guillermo del Toro” way before Hellboy, Blade II, and Pan’s Labyrinth. This is actually that second in a trilogy of movies related to children and magic (Cronos being first and Pan being third). One of the most frightening ghosts you’ll ever see, and it’s remarkable how well del Toro can get his child stars to act. Beautifully shot.
69. Prince of Darkness (1987)
Students and their professor uncover the essence of Satan in an LA church. The third of five John Carpenter movies on the list. This movie is totally unappreciated. Very dark with a nice cameo by Alice Cooper. Plus, the static-y camcorder-like image of SOMETHING coming out of the church will freak you out.
68. Last House on the Left (1972)
Two girls get kidnapped, tortured, and raped. Their parents seek revenge. A great but flawed exploitation flick. Wes Craven’s first ever movie will shock everyone not used to torture/rape/castration scenes. For me, the dental work scene takes the cake. However, was the “comic relief” really necessary?
67. Bad Taste (1987)
Aliens take over a small New Zealand town to use humans as the main ingredients for their fast food chain. Air defense squad to the rescue. Before Lord of the Rings, which really came out of nowhere for him, Peter Jackson made a couple of brilliant horror-comedies. This is his first and also co-stars Jackson himself. You would never recognize him as a crazy skinny dude who spends most of the movie trying to literally put his brains back in his head. If you can watch the communal vomit scene without gagging, I commend you.
66. From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
Two criminal bothers hold a family hostage and take them to a Mexican bar run by vampires. Every Robert Rodriguez flick is seven shades of awesome, especially when they feature Danny Trejo, Cheech Marin, and Tom Savini with a machine gun in his crotch. Who cares how easy-to-kill these vampires are? This movie is awesome. Salma Hayek is outrageously hot at Santanico Pandemonium.
65. Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
No explanation needed. It took years, but the Springwood Slasher and Camp Crystal Lake Stalker finally went head to head. A vintage Freddy kill, flaming machetes, airborne gas tanks, and Monica Keena’s boobs make this movie wonderful. It’s also pretty sweet how they actually get Jason into Freddy’s dream world (it involves a Jason Mewes lookalike). Also a good movie if you hate Destiny’s Child.
64. Frailty (2001)
Father gets a “message from God” to kill a list of people inhabited by demons while his two sons have diverging viewpoints over the whole thing. Like many directors on this list, Bill Paxton nails his debut. The child actors are great, the twists and storytelling are fresh, and Matthew McConaughey gives his best performance since Dazed and Confused.
63. Toolbox Murders (2003)
Masked killer murders residents of an apartment complex using various tools. Shame on me for not recognizing Sheri Moon Zombie in the opening cameo. That’s downright embarrassing. Tobe Hooper’s only good movie since Poltergeist, which may or may not be higher on this list.
62. Alien (1979)
An alien invades and terrorizes a mining ship and its crew. Holy shit the alien in the ventilation shaft.
61. The Evil Dead (1981)
Five friends try to avoid being possessed by demons in an old cabin. A tree rapes a girl. ‘Nuff said.