The 100 Best Horror Movies Ever (Part III)

Fallen Angel

This is late because the man was keepin’ me down at work today. I’m never helping Jaelynne again.

That’s funny, Game 5 still isn’t over (maybe I’ll mini-live blog in 30 minutes).

First, more costumes, then 60-41 after the jump.

Hermione!

Hermione!

Yes, that is what Fallen ANGEL goes home to every night...

Yes, that is what Fallen ANGEL goes home to every night...

60. Final Destination (2000)

Group of friends attempt to beat death after a crazy premonition. One of the few somewhat original movies to come out in the last decade. The opening scene is still memorable despite now being overshadowed by II’s car accident. Sean William Scott is hilarious on his bike, and you gotta love any Tony Todd cameo.

59. Day of the Dead (1985)

Group of survivors in an underground military base. I found this much more entertaining than its predecessor. The idea of Bub is very interesting and shows just how much Romero fell in love with his zombies. Also, “CHOKE ON ‘EM!!” is such a line to be your last.

58. Hellraiser (1987)

Mysterious box summons the Pinhead and the Cenobites from hell. The first in Clive Barker’s franchise is certainly a classic, but I would not make it the best in the series. Frank’s early scenes and metamorphoses are ridiculous. I almost pooped myself when Chatterer first appears, and he still gives me nightmares.

AHHHHH!

AHHHHH!

57. Hostel (2005)

Two guys get kidnapped and tortured in Bratislava. When you get down to it, there’s not much here other than some sweet torture, capped off of course by the eye-gasm. Still entertaining as much as I hate Eli Roth. Also a good source of boobage for my fellow perverts.

56. The Lost Boys (1987)

Group of teenage vampires wreak havoc in California. Such a fun movie. Corey Feldman is gold and Kiefer probably gives his best performance ever (fuck “24”). Also known for the epic rift and reconciliation between the Coreys. Too bad they kept Kiefer’s body in tact for a sequel, and then didn’t get one until the direct-to-DVD release THIS YEAR.

55. House of 1,000 Corpses (2003)

Firefly family captures and tortures group of four friends. Inferior to The Devil’s Rejects, much better than Halloween. Rob Zombies’ (the Pride of Haverhill #2) influences are obvious. Delightfully sick and twisted. Sheri Moon Zombie = hot. Bill Moseley = not so much.

54. Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Remake of a group of survivors holed up in a mall. I despised the idea of a remake. Then Zach Snyder said “Fuck the social commentary, let’s make a badass zombie movie.” Then Ving Rhames was all “Hellyeah!” and was awesome. Could have done without the zombie baby birth and Lindy Booth’s (redhead victim from #80!) idiocy. STUPID DOG!

Epitome of badass.

Epitome of badass.


53. Friday the 13th: Part 6: Jason Lives (1986)

Jason gets resurrected by Tommy Jarvis and seeks revenge. Far and away the best sequel to the original classic. “Wherever the red dot goes, ya bang.”

52. Grindhouse: Planet Terror (2007)

Military gas creates zombie/cannibal uprising. Rodriguez continues to put his boy Tarentino to shame with the superior Grindhouse flick. When I want horror, I want zombies and crazy action, not 90 minutes or boring dialogue and a car chase. I’ll take Rose McGowan any day, one leg or two.

51. 1408 (2007)

Man attempts to survive a night in haunted hotel room. Surprisingly, very chilling, particularly the window scene and ventilation shaft. Note to self: do not use a ventilation shaft as a means of escape when being haunted or stalked by aliens.

50. The Exorcist (1973)

Mother and priest try to save girl possessed by a demon. Once of the most disappointing movies in terms of being scary (other than the “spider walk” making me shit myself), but a flawlessly made film in and of itself. A great story and tremendous acting. Plus, Linda Blair turned into a MILF.

49. The Hitcher (1986)

Dude gets stalked on the highway by a murderous hitchhiker. C. Thomas Howell almost eats a finger and then Rutger Hauer shoots down a helicopter with a pistol. Need I saw more? OK: ***HIGHLIGHT FOR SPOILER*** a girl gets torn apart between two trucks.

48. Pet Sematary (1989)

Father attempts to bring son back to life in a Native American burial ground. I still can’t decide what’s creepier: Zelda or resurrected Gage. Fred Gwynne and Brad Greenquist absolutely steal the show as Jud Crandell and Victor Pascow. Shows the good that can come of King writing his own screenplay.

The real friendly ghost.

The real friendly ghost.

47. The Sixth Sense (1999)

Boy gets haunted by ghosts. Still Shyamalan’s scariest. I’ll admit, ghost stories always terrify me. Like aliens to Jaelynne and Rachel Nichols to Father Scott. What ever happened to Haley Joel Osment?

46. The Amityville Horror (2005)

Father becomes possess by something when his family moves into a new house. First admission: I’ve never seen the original. Second admission: this movie kinda scared the shit out of me, especially that damn bathroom scene!

45. Re-Animator (1985)

Ambitious scientist attempts to create a serum that brings the dead back to life. Jeffrey Combs is great, and I always find scenes in which people try to hide reanimated corpses to be hilarious (hint: more examples to come).

44. Dance of the Dead (2008)

Group of students not invited to prom save a town from zombies. Breakfast Club meets Dawn of the Dead. This movie was 50% of my life. I didn’t go to my prom, but there were no friggin’ zombies, either. WHEN WILL THEY COME?!

Best dance ever.

Best dance ever.

43. Wolf Creek (2005)

Group of friends get kidnapped in the Australian outback. One of the most chilling villains of all time not named Freddy, Jason, or Michael. Frustrating but brilliant choice to ***HIGHLIGHT FOR SPOILER*** kill off the victim that you follow around for the majority of the movie trying to escape.

42. Saw (2004)

Two men wake up in a mysterious room and a detective hunts for Jigsaw killer. Terrible acting, awesome everything else. And if you say you SAW (hee!) the SWERVE~! coming, go fuck yourself.

41. The Eye (2002)

Girl gets eye surgery and then can see when death is near. Fuck Jessica Alba, once again the Japanese give us brilliant horror. I will never use an elevator by myself again.

Ack!

Ack!

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5 Comments

Filed under movies

5 responses to “The 100 Best Horror Movies Ever (Part III)

  1. I didn’t go to prom either, FA. You and me, we’re cool.

  2. Jaelynne

    I’ve seen 13.6 of those movies and I wore that Hermione outfit to prom. Awesome.

  3. Back in my day, we didn’t have prom. Just an ice cream social where we wore bobby socks and letterman jackets and sang doo-wop around a trash barrel. And I wore the Hermione dress.

  4. Jaelynne

    Only because I let you borrow it. You’re always copying me!!!!!

  5. rockbot12

    Jason lives number 53? and as much as i liked the amityville remake it being ahead of Jason Lives. Come on now.

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