Michael Minelli is an unhappy douchebag (allegedly)

Pax Arcana

The Grand Council of Great and Serious Men of Science recently devised a formula to guage the awesomeness quotient of a given Web site. Using algorithms so advanced they’ll make your balls explode, we determined that the best the Internet has to offer are sites replete with simple, yet multi-textured, repeatable memes that often create for the reader an alternate reality in which the contours are narrowly defined yet the depth of humor available is limitless.

That’s why, even in the face of grave global financial distress, the geniuses behind I Can Has Cheezburger and the FAIL Blog are raking it in. These sites have mastered the art of the repetitious meme. And I salute them.

Another such site, and a personal favorite of mine, is Hot Chicks with Douchebags.

The concept of HCwDBS is simple. This guy named Jay Louis finds pictures of horrifyingly douchetastic guidos and other nightclubbing nightmares greased up and posing next to attractive women. Then he makes fun of them. Here’s a sample of the commentary:

The Lobster

douchebagUrge to kill rising…

There’s a certain plateau of douchitude a scrote reaches in which nothing touches him. And by nothing touching him, I mean that literally.

Then again, this perky carrot is touching him. Which makes me want to touch a light socket.

Why, perky carrot, why? The man has literally undone his shirt in public to show the camera his lobster abs. And you smile? What happened to you, perky carrot? Were you dropped on your head as an infant? How has lobster’s douchey charms worked on you?

Then again, the gold hoop dress suggests a covert Bleeth infection. Which would explain that pile of sea cockroach to her left.

I think you get the idea. Anyway, the real humor in the site is that there is a seemingly endless parade of these lowlifes fit to ridicule. It’s the kind of thing that makes us — especially those of us from New Jersey — question the existence of the human soul.

The site got so popular recently that Louis got a book deal out of it. Suprisingly, all of the men pictured in the book had a good sense of humor about the whole thing and took it in stride.

(pause)

BWAAAAHHAHAHAHA! OF COURSE THAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENED DON’T YOU PAY ATTENTION TO HOW WE DO THINGS IN THIS COUNTRY?

One alleged douchebag, named Michael Minelli, is suing Louis over the inclusion of his photograph in the book. According to the lawsuit, posted by The Smoking Gun, Minelli claims libel, invasion of privacy, and damages resulting from using his image for profit without consent.

Also, he apparently has some terrible friends and stuff:

Plaintiff has been, and continues to be the subject of ridicule in that he has been, is now, and continues to be called a Douchebag by friends, acquaintances, coworkers, employers, and strangers alike.

As a direct and proximate result of the Publication, Plaintiff has suffered loss of reputation, shame, mortification, injury to his feelings, and business.

Poor grammar aside (hey douchelawyer, you’ve got one too many commas in that second part and one too few in the first), it seems that Michael Minelli has had a rough go of it. The self-described “marketing and promotion contractor in the entertainment industry” was probably just a few steps from stardom and global acclaim before this unfortunate series of events.

On the flip side, hey look! Michael Minelli read a book!!

Alleged “Douchebag” Sues Author [The Smoking Gun]

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5 Comments

Filed under culture

5 responses to “Michael Minelli is an unhappy douchebag (allegedly)

  1. That girl isn’t that hot. But I bet FA wants to tap her like the hostess at our hotel restaurant in Amsterdam.

  2. Fallen Angel

    people say I have high standards. you are ridiculous. oh man, thank you for reminding me of her…

    oh man and i was at the bruins game last night. the ice girls. oh my heart!

  3. I don’t really like blonds that much. Or non-descript hostesses.

  4. Esquire

    I love this story.

  5. that girl in the picture with him isn’t even hot… But he definitely douches the douche bag list.

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