Paging Dr. Douchebag… Dr. Douchebag to the OR please

Pax Arcana

drdouchebag1In my long and storied career as a rakishly handsome doctor, I’ve been called a lot of things.

I’ve been called cocky. I’ve been called demanding. I’ve been called a perfectionist.

But now those imbeciles at the New York Times are calling me something else — a murderer. According to them, patients are dying because of “arrogant, abusive and disruptive” doctors:

A survey of health care workers at 102 nonprofit hospitals from 2004 to 2007 found that 67 percent of respondents said they thought there was a link between disruptive behavior and medical mistakes, and 18 percent said they knew of a mistake that occurred because of an obnoxious doctor. (The author was Dr. Alan Rosenstein, medical director for the West Coast region of VHA Inc., an alliance of nonprofit hospitals.)

Another survey by the Institute for Safe Medication Practices, a nonprofit organization, found that 40 percent of hospital staff members reported having been so intimidated by a doctor that they did not share their concerns about orders for medication that appeared to be incorrect. As a result, 7 percent said they contributed to a medication error.

The story recounts one incident in which a baby died after a resident noticed a possible problem with a fetal monitoring strip, but failed to contact the attending physician — who was known for “ridiculing” the residents. Several nurses have reported being ignored or abused by doctors for alerting them to possible problems or misspeaking in the operating room.

I guess I see their point. From now on, I’m going to bring my residents marshmallows and soda-pop everyday, and instead of doing our rounds we’ll sing campfire songs and talk about our feelings. Then when one of our patients dies we’ll go down to the pet store and look at the puppies to cheer ourselves up. YOU DON’T SEEM TO GET IT YOU LITTLE SHITS, THIS IS A HOSPITAL NOT A DAYCARE CENTER AND I AM DR. DOUCHEBAG AND I GET WHAT I WANT.

Now if you don’t mind, I have a very important meeting with my Porsche dealership. Please sew this patient back up, and try your best not to leave any gauze in there this time, mmmkay?

Arrogant, Abusive and Disruptive — and a Doctor [NYT]


1 Comment

Filed under journalism

One response to “Paging Dr. Douchebag… Dr. Douchebag to the OR please

  1. Haley

    paging dr. faggot….DR. FAGGOT!

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