A few months back, we took formerly-awesome metal band Metallica to task for inviting a bunch of music bloggers to listen to some unreleased music — then demanding that the bloggers take down the (mostly-positive) reviews they had written.
It wasn’t much of a post, but it appears the headline (“Metallica is retarded“) may have grabbed the attention of some of the band’s most ardent fans. A number of them have attempted to submit comments on the post, but I blocked most of them because… well, because it seems Metallica’s fans are just as retarded as they are.
Actually that’s not entirely fair. Some of them were relatively inoffensive, such as this one, from the awesomely named Awaked Demons:
noobs metallica rule
Funny, I don’t look noobish.
Reader kyle hnatko had a similar sentiment to share, though he chose to use naughty words for emphasis:
fuck you metallica rules
I give kyle hnatko a pass, because despite his profanity, at least he spelled everything right and employed correct word usage and consistent lower-case punctuation. That’s more than we can say for ConnSizzle, who had this to say:
Fuck You Guys Metallica is the best band out their
Or jose webster, who chimed in thusly:
you guys are dumasses whoever did this is stupid
metallica is the band in the world and whoever says metallica is horrible is going to die tomorrow
Well I guess that changes my plans pretty dramatically. Thanks for the warning!
But first prize goes to reader Dragos/APPOKLYPZ, who took a few minutes away from his normal weekend ritual of sweating and licking batteries to offer the following tour de force of unhinged awesomeness. Watch as this comment tears through the English language and sews it back together in an unrecognizable pastiche of glamor, insult, and gibberish:
U just don’t know to appreciate gooood trash metal.U’re some mama’s little pussyboyhead . What mom say it is and u just listen to her blindly stupid and comunistic sclaves. LET THERE BE ROCK AND KILL’EM ALL BUT DONT COME ONE STEP CLOSER CUZZ U’LL CROSS THE POINTS OF AUTORITI .
From now on, those who offend me will be warned that they are dangerously close to crossing the points of autoriti.