I hope I’m not being presumptuous by telling you this, but I am very interested in signing with the Dodgers as a free agent. I know there’s been a lot of speculation about where I really wanted to play, and the truth is that I want to play for a championship.
Also, I heard there are all different kinds of burritos in Los Angeles. I heard there are burritos with steak, chicken, carnitas… anything you wanted. Even jowl. I love jowl.
You are probably aware that the Yankees have offered me an awful lot of money to play in New York, Mr. Colletti. But I’m not sure that team is the right fit for me. The same goes for the Brewers. I enjoyed my time there last season, but I think I would feel more comfortable in an environment where the ownership was committed to winning over the long term.
Do most burritos in Los Angeles come with sour cream? In Milwaukee and Cleveland they charge extra, but I heard that in L.A. they just throw the sour cream right on there without asking. Now that’s change I can believe in.
Truth be told, Mr. Colletti, most people expect me to take the Yankees offer — or drive up my asking price by flirting with other teams. But that’s not why I have come to you. I am here because my interest in returning one of baseball’s seminal franchises to glory is worth more to me than all the money in the world.
I saw that your outfielder Andre Ethier has a food blog, where he goes out to restaurants and writes about them. Do you think he needs any help with that? I fancy myself something of a writer, too.
Also, do you know if he ever writes about burritos?