Royal Rumble Liveblog

Fallen Angel

Rumble Logo

While Pax is on the shelf looking like Vicky Guerrero, I’m free to bring back the liveblog (a concept I invented for the 2008 World Series) for what is historically the most fun professional wrestling pay-per-view of all time: Royal Rumble.

For those unclear on the concept, the event is based around one match in which 30 men enter the ring at 90-second intervals. The only way to be eliminated is to be thrown over the top rope and have both feet hit the floor. The winner allegedly gets a title shot in the main event at Wrestlemania…although that hasn’t been happening recently.

Here’s predictions.  Be here at 8 to watch it all unfold…

WWE Women’s Title Match: Beth Phoenix © vs. Melina

Winner: Beth Phoenix. But Melina is smokin’ hot.

ECW Title Match: Jack Swagger © vs. Matt Hardy

Winner: Jack Swagger. Could be decent, but two very boring individuals.
WWE Title Match: Jeff Hardy © vs. Edge

Winner: Edge. Will Christian re-debut after defecting from TNA? Did Matt attack Jeff? Does anyone care?

World Title Match: John Cena © vs. JBL

Winner: John Cena.  This match WILL suck hairy monkey balls.

The Royal Rumble Match: Known Participants: HHH, The Big Show, Vladimir Kozlov, Shelton Benjamin, The Undertaker, Randy Orton, Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, The Miz, John Morrison, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, Kane, Santino Marella, R-Truth, THE Brian Kendrick, Carlito, CM Punk, Finlay, Mark Henry, Chris Jericho, The Great Khali, Chavo Guerrero

Winner: Randy Orton
Runner-up: Triple H
Iron Man: Triple H
Shortest time in the ring: Santino Marella
Most eliminations: Kane
#1 and #2: Triple H and Shawn Michaels
Entry # of 27 (luckiest number to enter at):  Kozlov
Entry #30: Christian
Winning #: 10
Surprise/unannounced entrants (7): Shawn Michaels, Kennedy, Umaga, Christian, Hurricane Helms, MVP, Cowboy Bob Orton
Will the endurance record of 62:12 held by Rey Mysterio be broken? NO
Final Four: Triple H, Randy Orton, Shawn Michaels, Kozlov
If Charlie Haas is a participant, who does he imitate? Batista

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80 Comments

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80 responses to “Royal Rumble Liveblog

  1. Fallen Angel

    Well the first spoiler has already been announced for one of the surprise entrants. I won’t ruin it for anyone, but do know that I already missed one of the unannounced entrants…

  2. Fallen Angel

    Also, project126 will be launched tomorrow (or maybe not)

  3. Fallen Angel

    ecw title match to kick things off. my niece and nephew clap for hardy and give thumbs down to swagger.

    matt striker attempts to save face after an awkward opening announcing sequence.

  4. Fallen Angel

    striker just said “pugilistic”

    and people say wrestling isn’t refined

  5. Fallen Angel

    striker just said “hold that”

    the “best announcing team” slammy was well-deserved

  6. Fallen Angel

    i still don’t know why swagger is the “all-american american”

    striker now just compared hardy to bill lambier. hmmm…

  7. Fallen Angel

    swagger just botched an irish whip i think. nice cover by striker.

  8. Fallen Angel

    swagger continues to work matt’s left arm. the announcers explain it’s the arm he uses for the twist of fate. fun fact: in the united states, wrestlers always work the left side of the body. in mexico, they work the right. i don’t know why.

  9. Fallen Angel

    swagger’s belly to belly is kinda lame like rhino’s. at least he didn’t almost murder hardy, which is what scott steiner risks doing every night he fights.

  10. Fallen Angel

    hardy just hit his first moonsault in about 672 matches

  11. Fallen Angel

    swagger wins with the gut-wrench powerbomb in about 10 minutes. 2 of those minutes were used to lift hardy for the finisher.

    and after that for an opener compared to TNA’s X Division contest, WWE marks are no longer allowed to hate on ANYTHING.

    i give that match 2 stars.

  12. Fallen Angel

    women’s title match is second. melina does her split, which is just old at this point. at least she’s hot an can actually wrestle.

  13. Fallen Angel

    beth is incredibly cute with her slammy trophy. santino never gets old.

    sadly, detroit is a heat vortex tonight. wwe crowds blooooow.

  14. Fallen Angel

    crowd starts to wake up with “santino” chants. does not bode well for the actual match.

  15. Fallen Angel

    beth locks in a single leg submission.

    i was gonna hate, but she finally uses Melina’s own leg to kick her in the head.

    lawler screams he’s never seen anything like that before. watch SHIMMER buddy.

  16. Fallen Angel

    melina wins with a sunset flip reversal in about 7 minutes.

    i’m pretty sure beth got quick counted.

  17. Fallen Angel

    8 minutes since last match and still waiting for the next one. ads and promos. blech. jbl sucks.

  18. Fallen Angel

    my numbers for my friend’s rumble pool so i don’t forget them: 3, 13, 18, 25, 29. ma FA: 4, 6, 9, 14, 27.

  19. Fallen Angel

    cena vs. jbl is third. extended bathroom/beer/week/rock band/ANYTHING ELSE break

  20. Fallen Angel

    yeah, nice “let’s go cena! cena sucks!” chant. i would participate in the latter half.

  21. Fallen Angel

    cena renamed the stfu the stf. which the wwe made a big deal about. even though the stfu IS an stf and therefore not named by cena. reason #23954398 why the worker and his company sucks.

    in other news, the move STILL looks painless when cena uses it.

  22. Fallen Angel

    ref bump

    VINTAGE VINCE RUSSO

  23. Fallen Angel

    sean michaels super kicks jbl to the shock of no one.

    and then super kicks cena to the shock of no one.

    i love when other feds devalue rival finishers by having people kick out of them all the time. TNA has done this to the super kick, as well as the backstabber/lung blower and the codebreaker.

    now it just looks like jbl and cena collapsed together after a long night of sex.

  24. Fallen Angel

    FU and it’s over. yawn.

    so 2 hours left and 1 title match plus the rumble. this is gonna be a looooong rumble. or the wwe is ripping off customers again and ending hella early.

  25. Fallen Angel

    edge vs. hardy now

    vicky comes out to make it no-dq

    does that mean christian?

  26. Fallen Angel

    hahahah jeff tries to start his own “hardy” chant and the smarks reply with “we want christian!”

  27. Fallen Angel

    jeff nails a twist of fate on the apron. that was pretty sweet.

  28. Fallen Angel

    jeff takes out a ladder. i do believe business is about to pick up.

  29. Fallen Angel

    well hardy just splashed chavo through the raw announce table.

    the fail he slipped and flailed, i can’t tell if it was a botched swanton or just an awkward splash. whatever it was, it was the exact opposite of the grace of an aj styles splash.

  30. Fallen Angel

    jeff counters a spear into the twist of fate

    this is already better than all 3 previous matches combined.

  31. Fallen Angel

    until vicky hella interferes.

  32. Fallen Angel

    bah gawd matt hardy runs in, feigns stopping vicky and hits jeff with a chair. the 10 year olds are STUNNED!

  33. Fallen Angel

    1…2…3.

    edge wins.

    enjoy the rest of your career in the undercard matt.

    3/4 predicting the 4 early matches, and i knew matt would show up rather than christian.

    let’s go with this:
    hardy vs. swagger **1/2
    melina vs. phoenix **1/4
    jbl vs. cena *1/2
    edge vs. hardy ***1/2

  34. Fallen Angel

    shit, meant to direct the undercard comment to jeff…

  35. Fallen Angel

    a promo confirms both big titles will be defended in elimination chambers at no way out. that makes it a 10% chance i will buy it.

  36. Fallen Angel

    so the feed just cut out during the Royal Rumble match video. that’s a good sign.

    the douche from smackdown gets to announce the match for some ungodly reason.

    and rey rey is #1

  37. Fallen Angel

    john morrison at #2

    i lose that one

  38. Fallen Angel

    morrison is god as he survives a few near eliminations.

    #3 and my first entrant in the pool is carlito. motherfuck.

  39. Fallen Angel

    ok props to carlito for hitting a double springboard moonsault.

  40. Fallen Angel

    #4 and my mother’s first entrant is MVP.

    hey, i got one of the unannounced right

    big mvp chant

  41. Fallen Angel

    #5 is khali

    5 entrants and 0 eliminations. this a new record?

  42. Fallen Angel

    #6 and my mother’s second chance is koslov

  43. Fallen Angel

    and just like that khali is gone courtesy of the moscow mauler

    and mvp is gone. the crowd does not appove.

  44. Fallen Angel

    the russian tosses carlito.

    enter hhh at #7

  45. Fallen Angel

    hhh tosses koslov. koslov leads the pack with 3 eliminations. hunter with 1.

    morisson takes it to the game.

    #8 is orton

    mysterio chills in a corner like a pussy

  46. Fallen Angel

    #9 and number 3 for my mother is a cryme tyme member. they flip a coin and jtg wins.

    my mother got shit luck tonight.

  47. Fallen Angel

    #10 is ted dibiase. time for him and orton to toss everyone.

  48. Fallen Angel

    ok, a sweet spot where jtg and morrison kick at each other while dangling from the ropes on the outside before they both slide back in.

    rey crotches million dollar man jr.

  49. Fallen Angel

    jericho at #11 with a decent pop

  50. Fallen Angel

    a surprising amount of action and top talent with 7 guys in the ring.

    dibiase and orton double team morrison. bastards.

    #12 is mike fucking knox. there goes the pace, talent, and excitement. seriously? this guy over kennedy and helms?

  51. Fallen Angel

    #13 and second chance for me is THE MIZ!!! YES YES YES!

  52. Fallen Angel

    rjo for morrison and miz and jtg before hunter ends it with a pedigree.

    hhh tosses miz AND morrison. fuck it all.

    triple h ~ 3
    koslov ~ 3

    #14 is finlay with midget in tow

    rey just stepped on the backs of miz and morrison to avoid being eliminated. that was awesome.

  53. Fallen Angel

    rjo = rko

    #15 is cody rhodes. advantage orton.

  54. Fallen Angel

    orton turns a mysterio springboard into an rko. that finisher is so damn awesome.

    #16 taker. lights go out. here we go.

  55. Fallen Angel

    everyone stands at one side of the ring and charges undertaker. he goes nuts with punches and gets a huge undertaker chant.

    jtg is gone.

  56. Fallen Angel

    #17 is goldust with a decent pop. i’m missing on all the surprise entrants.

    ring is getting quite cluttered.

    nice spot with goldust facing off with brother cody rhodes.

  57. Fallen Angel

    cody throws out his brother under orders from orton.

    #18 is cm punk. that gives me at lest an outside chance at the pool….

    koslov/hhh ~ 3 each
    taker/cody rhodes ~ 1 each

  58. Fallen Angel

    mark henry is #19

    boo-zah

  59. Fallen Angel

    11 guys in the ring, it’s very slow going now.

    #20 is shelton

    he won’t be clearing out the ring

  60. Fallen Angel

    #21 is william regal. he’ll gun for cm punk.

    13 dudes.

  61. Fallen Angel

    mark henry go eliminated by someone. nobody knows who.

    technically mysterio gets the credit.

  62. Fallen Angel

    kofi at #22

    koslov/hhh ~ 3 each
    taker/cody rhodes/mysterio ~ 1 each

    rhodes SKINS THE CAT!

  63. Fallen Angel

    taker throws out shelton benjamin

    #23 is kane. the bodies will start to fly.

  64. Fallen Angel

    kane and taker do their staredown and decide to work together

    double chokeslam on dibiase

    cm punk drags regal out.

  65. Fallen Angel

    r-truth is #24. aka ron killings aka k-kwik

    koslov/hhh ~ 3 each
    taker ~ 2
    cody rhodes/mysterio/punk ~ 1 each

  66. Fallen Angel

    #25 and my next chance is ROB VAN DAM THE WHOLE FUCKING SHOW

    ONE OF A KIND

    ONE OF A KIND

    ONE OF A KIND

    MR. PAY PER VIEW

  67. Fallen Angel

    #26 is THE brian kendrick aka spanky.

    i love kendrick. keep on smokin man and go to tna for a real push.

    he pushes out kofi!

    now hhh tosses kendrick. WEAK.

    hhh ~ 4
    koslov ~ 3
    taker ~ 2
    cody rhodes/mysterio/punk/kendrick ~ 1 each

  68. Fallen Angel

    #27 is dolph ziggler

    kane don’t give a shit and eliminates him

    hhh ~ 4
    koslov ~ 3
    taker ~ 2
    cody rhodes/mysterio/punk/kendrick/kane ~ 1 each

  69. Fallen Angel

    #28 is santino!

    and KANE CLOTHESLINES HIM OUT. I WIN THAT CATEGORY. SHADES OF THE WARLORD.

    hhh ~ 4
    koslov ~ 3
    taker/kane ~ 2 each
    cody rhodes/mysterio/punk/kendrick ~ 1 each

  70. Fallen Angel

    #29 and my last chance is fuckin hacksaw jim duggan. shit.

    being the first ever rumble winner doesnt matter now.

    i call #30 will NOT be chavo due to his trip through the table.

    ….christian?

  71. Fallen Angel

    #30

    big show

    shit forgot about him. no christian.

  72. Fallen Angel

    ok time to eliminate 13 people

  73. Fallen Angel

    take is first to approach show before kane starts punching.

    now duggan goes after big show with big crowd support

    and duggan is done.

    hhh ~ 4
    koslov ~ 3
    taker/kane ~ 2 each
    cody rhodes/mysterio/punk/kendrick/big show ~ 1 each

  74. Fallen Angel

    at least this rumble is uniquely booked. 13 remain with 29 mins to go in the event.

    show presses r truth out

    then he throws punk out 3 times but he catches the rope each time until eating a KO punch and getting eliminated.

    knox and mysterio are both gone somehow.

    kane flips finlay out.

    turns out show elimianted knox and rey.

    big show ~ 5
    hhh ~ 4
    koslov/kane ~ 3 each
    taker ~ 2 each
    cody rhodes/mysterio/punk/kendrick ~ 1 each

  75. Fallen Angel

    jericho tosses rvd to the crowd’s chagrin.

    taker avenges him.

    the legacy dumps kane.

    fuck the standings now.

    big show with 5?

  76. Fallen Angel

    final 6: orton, rhodes, dibiase, big show, undertaker, triple h

  77. Fallen Angel

    big show pulls taker onto the apron.

    orton rkos show off the ropes for the elimination.

    big show yanks taker off the apron. shouldnt be legal but this is wrestling logic, so it counts.

    so i got shortest right, plus 2 of the final four.

  78. Fallen Angel

    3 0n 1 legacy vs. hhh

    hunter fights back and begins the burial process of rhodes and ted.

    dibiase is out

    rhodes is out!

    orton tosses hhh!!!

    ORTON! ORTON! THE AGE OF ORTON IS BACK!

    I WIN!

  79. Fallen Angel

    based on the other pool i entered i got:

    winner – orton (5 points)
    runner-up – triple h (3)
    iron man – triple h (5)
    shortest time – santino (5)
    final four – orton and triple h (6)

    total of 24. i hope that banks me $40. we’ll see….

  80. win some cash or no? Where’s the morning update?

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