While Pax is on the shelf looking like Vicky Guerrero, I’m free to bring back the liveblog (a concept I invented for the 2008 World Series) for what is historically the most fun professional wrestling pay-per-view of all time: Royal Rumble.
For those unclear on the concept, the event is based around one match in which 30 men enter the ring at 90-second intervals. The only way to be eliminated is to be thrown over the top rope and have both feet hit the floor. The winner allegedly gets a title shot in the main event at Wrestlemania…although that hasn’t been happening recently.
Here’s predictions. Be here at 8 to watch it all unfold…
WWE Women’s Title Match: Beth Phoenix © vs. Melina
Winner: Beth Phoenix. But Melina is smokin’ hot.
ECW Title Match: Jack Swagger © vs. Matt Hardy
Winner: Jack Swagger. Could be decent, but two very boring individuals.
WWE Title Match: Jeff Hardy © vs. Edge
Winner: Edge. Will Christian re-debut after defecting from TNA? Did Matt attack Jeff? Does anyone care?
World Title Match: John Cena © vs. JBL
Winner: John Cena. This match WILL suck hairy monkey balls.
The Royal Rumble Match: Known Participants: HHH, The Big Show, Vladimir Kozlov, Shelton Benjamin, The Undertaker, Randy Orton, Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, The Miz, John Morrison, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, Kane, Santino Marella, R-Truth, THE Brian Kendrick, Carlito, CM Punk, Finlay, Mark Henry, Chris Jericho, The Great Khali, Chavo Guerrero
Winner: Randy Orton
Runner-up: Triple H
Iron Man: Triple H
Shortest time in the ring: Santino Marella
Most eliminations: Kane
#1 and #2: Triple H and Shawn Michaels
Entry # of 27 (luckiest number to enter at): Kozlov
Entry #30: Christian
Winning #: 10
Surprise/unannounced entrants (7): Shawn Michaels, Kennedy, Umaga, Christian, Hurricane Helms, MVP, Cowboy Bob Orton
Will the endurance record of 62:12 held by Rey Mysterio be broken? NO
Final Four: Triple H, Randy Orton, Shawn Michaels, Kozlov
If Charlie Haas is a participant, who does he imitate? Batista