We all play our roles in the extended Pax Familias. I, of course, am the tweedy and charming father of the brood — quick with a knowing nod and generally three sheets to the wind on Scotch. Father Scott is like the strident young ward I took under my wing and saved from a life of making moose jerky somewhere in Maine. Perry Ellis is the eccentric down the street who collects discarded copper for a “secret project” he’s building in his basement.
And then there’s Fallen Angel. Once the protege of Father Scott, Fallen Angel earned his moniker just over a year ago for apostasy against the padre’s church. It wasn’t pretty.
Still, though, Fallen Angel remained in the fold, even becoming a contributor to Pax Arcana. His live blogs of the 2008 ALCS and whatever that wrestling thing was a few days ago represent the latest innovation on this site. We have no idea if they were popular (we don’t track things in too much detail around here), but the kid never fails to crack me up.
Now that he’s started his own blog, project126, we’d like to give him a proper send-off. So we roped him to an exit interview of sorts (he is obviously still welcome to post here), which we then edited and will post after the jump. This may be the only time you get to learn Fallen Angel’s thoughts on life, cake, poetry, and why we should care what the fuck he thinks.
Question 1: Who is behind project126 and will innocent people die?
Fallen Angel: project126 (note lowercase p) may or may not be the brainchild of Fallen Angel. I can’t get a straight answer out of him, as there might be a greater power behind it all. Fallen Angel himself is a dark, brooding character who felt that his hatred of most things could not be adequately captured on Pax Arcana without completely annihilating the credibility of that blog. Innocent people will not die since Fallen Angel is actually a pacifist. However, guilty people could meet their end…and there’s a whole hell of a lot of guilty people out there…
Question 2: Is it true that you are, in fact, the illegitimate love child of Bill Simmons — and that you’ve been on a quest to avenge him for abandoning you?
FA: Absolutely no truth whatsoever. The man is a boring, repetitive, unoriginal fraud, who I don’t give two shits about. All his mailbags suck because his fans suck, which is a result of his columns that suck. Particularly damning were his attacks on Holy Cross athletics, his uneducated WrestleMania XX live blog (a concept he stole from me), and his bandwagon article about the Bruins last season. Rick Reilly-4-Lyfe.
Quite badly because they are ignorant. And through a flaming table.
I concede wrestling is a form of entertainment rather than a sport. But it is not fake. It consists of athletes putting on a very real performance on the fly (pain included—the ring is not a mattress, chair shots are largely unprotected, and “stiff” matches involve not-so-pulled punches) that simply has a predetermined outcome. It’s far more “real” than other TV shows in which actors get to rehearse and retake scenes and spots to get things perfect. That doesn’t happen in wrestling. In addition, there are many, many hot women in the wrestling business. Why should I be criticized for enjoying their presence on my television? Finally, the WWE is for 13-year-olds. The company is changing everything it can to cater to a young audience while leaving the hardcore fanbase that made it popular form 1998-2002. For the older, smarter, and more mature audience, things like Ring of Honor, Combat Zone Wrestling, and TNA (to a lesser extent) exist. If TNA dropped the rest of its childish gimmicks and cutscenes and focused more on its weekly TV in-ring product, it would be perfect.
Question 4: Would you describe yourself as more of a Samurai or a Mongol?
I don’t think either one of these truly apply to me. I am not very honorable, and although I’m pretty angry, I wouldn’t consider myself a savage or barbarian. I’ll answer another question here and say that ninjas are superior to pirates in every way.
Question 5: Have you ever kissed a girl?
I see through your attack and attempt to drag me into the loser blogger stereotype to which you yourself apply. I can triumphantly say yes, in fact, I have, on multiple occasions. However, you will learn no details.
Question 6: Father Scott likes cake and I don’t. Who is better?
Question 7: You are well-known for publicly declaring your dislikes (Simmons, the Red Sox, etc.). Name three things — one each in writing, music, and sport — that you genuinely enjoy (so that others may shit on them).
Writing – World War Z (book)
Music – System of a Down
Sports – Tampa Bay Rays and Boston Bruins
[Ed note: Those things all suck]
Question 8: Please explain your conversion from Red Sox fan to Rays fan in poetry form.
Question 9: When I was living in Colorado, I had a crush on a girl I worked with. One night I was in a bar and saw her there with her boyfriend. I was all pumped up with liquid courage, so I told her she should go break up with her boyfriend and come home with me instead. So she did. Right in front of me. This is not a question — just a story I like to tell from time to time.
I approve of this story.
Question 10: On my first day of journalism graduate school, my professor asked each of us why we chose this particular course of study. People had all kinds of answers, and he just nodded. Finally one girl said “I’ve been reading other people’s opinions my entire life, and I think now it’s time to tell the world what I think.” The professor replied: “What makes you think anyone gives a fuck what you think?” So my question is this: What makes you think anyone gives a fuck what you think?
I’m experienced enough to know that very few people give a fuck about what I think. However, project126 exists for three reasons: A. It’s an outlet I wouldn’t have otherwise, 2. It allows others a forum, and D. People should give a fuck about what I think since I’m right and they’re wrong about everything.