Who’s not the boss?

bruce_bowl2

Pax Arcana

On occasion, I like to poke fun at Slate for being an endlessly flowing fountain of sweaty contrarianism and pathetic weenieism. But I also like to give credit where it is due.

But mostly I like to shit on Slate for retardery like this overflowing crock pot of unicorn AIDS.

To sum it up, Bruce Springsteen “fan” Stephen Metcalf laments last night’s Super Bowl halftime show because the Boss decided against bringing the entire fucking country back to the reality that a bunch of Wall Street fuckfaces blew our 401(k)’s on houses in Sun Valley and $87,000 rugs:

The national mood is sober bordering on a galloping panic. Lively as he was, I wouldn’t say the Boss did much to either banish or capture it.

DAMN YOU BRUCE FOR NOT VANQUISHING OUR NATIONAL DEBT AND STIMULATING THE ECONOMY THROUGH THE MAGIC OF YOUR CREAM TELECASTER!!!

There is a lot to be shat upon in this article, but at its core Metcalf’s entire argument boils down to the same irritating trope that insecure music assholes of every genre and generation employ — that the music was better before all you losers found out about it. Then he goes into postmodernism and just BEGS you to punch him in the face:

Springsteen concerts, when I first attended, were Atlantic Coast joy fests for a small community of like-minded fans. To discover that many other people share a taste for something oddball is a source of true shelter from the agglomerating powers of the mass. A Postmodernist would scoff and say nothing has changed, that Springsteen was always only merchandise. True, but in every possible way, Springsteen holds himself out as a force against such Postmodernist sophistication—on behalf of meaning, sincerity, and authenticity! As media outlets reported, the field seats for the halftime show were filled with paid extras, a crowd of “excited fans,” as the cattle call put it, to be seen dancing and clapping by the real audience, the 90 million sitting at home. I’m glad that my oddball favorite from middle school has become a zillionaire and a living legend. But watching him play the Super Bowl, I couldn’t help saying back to my flat screen, “Is there anyone alive in there?”

I don’t know exactly how old Stephen Metcalf is, but I wonder if he was in middle school sewing his “oddball” oats when this Time Magazine cover (1975) dubbed Bruce Springsteen “Rock’s New Sensation.” Because man, nothing says “small community of like-minded fans” like finding your new favorite on the cover of America’s best-known news weekly.

bruce_time

We should also note that the short bio of Metcalf at the bottom of the Slate article says Metcalf “is working on a book about the 1980s.” He’s used the same bio at least since 2001, as evidenced by this piece about Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.

Hurry up and finish that book already, Stephen! I bet it’s going to be fucking awesome!

He Should Have Played “The Wrestler” [Slate]

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1 Comment

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One response to “Who’s not the boss?

  1. drfrenchfry

    Damn you, Stephen Metcalf.

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