Some of my best baby friends are black


Pax Arcana

I read this story a few days ago, and at first I was tempted to just let it go.

Then I realized that doing so would be missing an opportunity to point out just how terrible everyone even remotely, tangentially involved with the festering morass that is the Philadelphia Phillies truly is.

Here is what happened:

In an interview with Sports Illustrated, Heidi Hamels — wife of Phillies pitcher and smirky fratboy douchebag fuckface asshole Cole Hamels — shared the couple’s plan to adopt an AIDS baby. You will be happy to know she’s doing it for all the right reasons:

“We’re in the process of adopting an AIDS orphan from Ethiopia,” she said. “Maybe two. I’m so pumped. I’d adopt six if I could. When I was five years old — I grew up in a very rural town in Missouri, and I had never even seen a black person — they asked us to draw a picture of ourselves in the future, and I drew myself holding hands with a line of tiny black stick figures. I’ve always wanted this.”

To be fair, Heidi Hamels initially got famous for going on a reality show and taking her clothes off for peanut butter. That has nothing to do with this story — I just wanted to point out that Cole Hamels’ inevitable divorce will cost way more than a 128 oz. tub of Skippy from Costco that would have yielded the same results. The douchebag.

The Fabulous New Life Of Cole Hamels [SI]



Filed under sports

4 responses to “Some of my best baby friends are black

  1. Are you a professional graphic designer? That Photoshop work is impeccable.

  2. Photoshop? Ffffffttttt….

    MS Paint is the tool of a true artiste.

  3. Esquire

    Between that quote and that pic, I think it’s reasonably clear why Cole married her.

  4. Pingback: Jim Bunning is still a Phillie «

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