May God have mercy on your seasonings

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Pax Arcana

Have you ever thought that kosher salt, despite possessing a near-perfect balance of size, shape, and texture, was just too jewy or something?

If so, you’re an idiot. And congratulations, idiot, now you have options!

Meet Joe Godlewski, who was just durned tired of hearing all those fancy pants chefs on the TV recommending kosher salt:

“I said, ‘What the heck’s the matter with Christian salt?'” Godlewski said, sipping a beer in the living room of his home in unincorporated Cresaptown, a western Maryland mountain community.

By next week, his trademarked Blessed Christians Salt will be available at http://www.memphi.net, the Web site of Memphis, Tenn.-based seasonings manufacturer Ingredients Corporation of America.

Blessed Christian Salt will be blessed by an Episcopal minister, Godlewski says, and at least some of his highly unlikely profits will go to Christian charities. Meanwhile, at least one rabbi says Godlewski completely misunderstands why kosher salt is called kosher salt. It’s not that it’s been blessed by a rabbi, says Sholem Fishbane:

He said coarse-grained kosher salt is named for the way in which it was traditionally used – to draw blood from freshly butchered meat, because Jewish law prohibits consuming blood. Chefs often favor kosher salt because it’s crunchy and easy to pinch.

Still, though, Godlewski wants more Jesus on your french fries:

“This is about keeping Christianity in front of the public so that it doesn’t die. I want to keep Christianity on the table, in the household, however I can do it.”

See, it’s not that Godlewski is explicitly anti-Jewish. He’s just pro-Christian. Frankly I don’t see anything wrong with his approach.

Oh wait a minute. Scratch that:

If the salt takes off, Godlewski plans an entire line of Christian-branded foods, including rye bread, bagels and pickles.

I wonder if the rye bread is baked over a burning cross.

Christian salt seller hopes to shake up market [Baltimore Examiner via Boing Boing]

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4 Comments

Filed under food

4 responses to “May God have mercy on your seasonings

  1. Esquire

    Appropriately, my response to reading Godlewski’s comments was “Jesus.”

  2. If this takes off, I’m creating Satan Salt. You can melt ice with it, too.

  3. Rye bread, pickles and Bagels? Why not Christian lox, while you’re at it?

    Hmm, for that matter, hey, Christian Manischewitz! Would go great at communion with some of that Christian matzoh!

  4. Kreplachs for Christ has a nice ring to it.

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