Cover them up!!! COVER THEM BACK UP!!!

Pax Arcana

A bunch of archaeologists were hanging out down in Guatemala recently, playing in the dirt and eating Fiambre and stuff. Eventually they stumbled across something interesting:

Archeologists have uncovered carved stucco panels depicting cosmic monsters, gods and serpents in Guatemala’s northern jungle that are the oldest known depictions of a famous Mayan creation myth.

OK awesome thanks. Cover them up now please.

maya

The newly discovered panels, both 26 feet long and stacked on top of each other, were created around 300 BC and show scenes from the core Mayan mythology, the Popol Vuh.

Seriously. Please, please cover them up again.

“This is pre-Christian, it has tremendous antiquity and shows again the remarkable resilience of an ideology that’s existed for thousands of years,” Hansen, an Idaho State University archeologist who has worked at El Mirador for over a decade, said.

DEAR GOD ARE YOU NOT LISTENING??? COVER. THEM. BACK. UP!!!!!

On one panel, the twins are depicted surrounded by cosmic monsters and above them is a bird deity with outstretched wings. On the other, there is a Mayan corn god framed by an undulating serpent, said Hansen who worked as a consultant for Mel Gibson’s 2006 movie about the Maya, “Apocalypto.”

Shhhh……… did you hear that?

Ohhh NOOOOOOOOO!

tikal

I AM THE GREAT FIRE GOD ZOLTAN!!! WHO DARES AWAKEN ME FROM MY SLUMBER???!!

MANY YEARS HAVE I KEPT WATCH OVER THE RIVER BASIN, MY SACRED PANELS BURIED SAFELY BENEATH THE SURFACE.

IN THE GREAT FIRES OF THE MIGHTY VOLCANO DID I VOW TO CONSUME THE HUMANS WITH THE SULFUROUS FIRES OF THE UNDERWORLD IF THEY UNEARTHED MY MIGHTY SYMBOLS!!!

Rare Maya panels found in Guatemala [Reuters]

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2 Comments

Filed under history

2 responses to “Cover them up!!! COVER THEM BACK UP!!!

  1. Esquire

    Sometimes I read too fast. I thought that it said that the “Mayan corn god framed by an undulating serpent … worked as a consultant for Mel Gibson’s 2006 movie about the Maya, ‘Apocalypto.'” Which would actually explain quite a bit.

  2. Sounds like the Guinea Pirates from South Park!

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