In fact, they are murderous swamp demons who will stop at nothing until we are all torn limb from limb.
Exhibit A: They have the word “dragon” right in their name.
Exhibit B: On Monday, a pair of komodo dragons mauled a 31-year-old Indonesian man to death.
Police Sgt. Kosmas Jalang said 31-year-old Muhamad Anwar was attacked on Komodo, one of four islands where the giant reptile is found in the wild, minutes after he fell out of a sugar-apple tree on Monday.
He was bleeding badly from bites to his hands, body, legs and neck after two lizards, waiting below, attacked him, according to a neighbor, Theresia Tawa. He died at a clinic on the neighboring island of Flores soon after.
And that’s not all. Authorities in Indonesia say komodo attacks are on the rise as the 4,000 or so remaining dragons grow increasingly agitated at portrayal of lizards in TV commercials for products like Sobe and Geico. Seriously, that gecko used to have a posh upperclass London accent and then all of a sudden he’s all working-class cockney? What is he a chimney sweep? PLUS WE CAN’T EVEN BUY GEICO IN MASSACHUSETTS LEAVE ME ALONE YOU GODDAMN TOAD!!