Friday Random 10: My Own Personal Hell Edition

Pax Arcana

hellThe subject of this week’s random 10 is appropriate, since my absence from posting lately is the direct result of one of the key indicators that I am, at the workplace anyway, inside of my own personal hell right now. It’s like I can never make enough chocolate mousse to satisfy all these gorgeous women!

Anyway, Paste writer Steve LaBate has posted a list of the seven songs that would be playing in his own personal hell. While only one of his would also be on my list, it’s safe to say I can see where he’s coming from. Here are mine. Commenters are welcome to blah blah blah you’re going to do it anyway, aren’t you?

1. Bittersweet Symphony — The Verve

It’s not that they stole the music from the Rolling Stones. It’s that this song is so obnoxiously repetitive, whiny, and boring I would rather stuff bowling balls in my nostrils than hear it one more time.

2. Semi-Charmed Life — Third Eye Blind

I’m tempted to toss the entire fetid Third Eye Blind oeuvre in a tie for second, but this… this is the song that made me want to burn down the entire earth.

3. Smooth — Santana and the fat guy from Matchbox 20

As if everything about Matchbox 20 wasn’t already annoying enough, this retarded homunculus had to stick his fat face on every TV in the universe from roughly 1999 to 2004 with this awful, awful song.

4. Hero — Enrique Iglesias

I swear to God if I ever see him in the street I will tear that mole off and stuff it down his throat.

5. Fields of Gold — Sting

Really, this list could be all Sting songs — but I chose this one because it is the best example of Gordon Sumner’s unparalleled ability to create lyrics and music that are at the same time pretentious and complete fucking bullshit. Witness:

“So she took her love/For to gaze awhile/Upon the fields of barley/In his arms she fell as her hair came down/Among the fields of gold.”

WTF?

6. My Sacrifice — Creed

No, you’re not Jesus.

7. My Humps — Black Eyed Peas

Because it has hastened the apocalypse. I can’t prove that, but you know I’m right.

Now let’s cleanse that palate.

The songs:

Knotty Pine — Dirty Projectors + David Byrne
Deer Crossing — Elk City
The Great Skua — British Sea Power
Famous Last Words — Faces on Film
Springer Show — The Asskickers
Damn, Sam — Ryan Adams
Gouge Away — The Pixies
Reckoner — Radiohead
Remember When (Side A) — The Black Keys
Against Pollution — The Mountain Goats

Bonus video:

You’re Only Lonely — Micah P. Hinson (LIVE at SXSW 2009)

The Rules: The Friday Random 10 is exactly that — random. We open up our iTunes, set the thing on shuffle, and listen to 10 songs. We are not permitted to skip any out of embarrassment or fear of redundancy. Commenters are encouraged to post their own.

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12 Comments

Filed under music

12 responses to “Friday Random 10: My Own Personal Hell Edition

  1. I thought about doing a similar post but for similar reasons was unable to. I could probably listen to Semi-Charmed Life 100 times tomorrow and not get sick of it.

  2. May God have mercy on your soul.

  3. Perry Ellis

    I think you meant “palate.” This post describes my mental state every time I turn on a radio that’s not tuned to NPR.

    Daddy’s Cup, Drive-By Truckers
    A Charitable Kind of Guy (live), Steve Martin
    Boys, Ryan Adams
    No Depression, Uncle Tupelo
    A Head With Wings, Morphine
    I Never Want To Go Home, The Whigs
    Natural Blues, Moby
    Foxey Lady, The Jimi Hendrix Experience
    All You Need Is Love, The Beatles
    Songbird, Fleetwood Mac

  4. Jesus I can’t do anything right today. There’s a 50/50 chance I accidentally eat my shoe at this point. Perry — know any good university-affiliated pubs where a guy can get a drink in this town?

  5. Hey Pax, I’m going to be driving to my house later today. That’s somewhere I drive every day, usually twice. Could you give me directions?

  6. I swear to God I will turn this cubicle around slap the beard right off of you.

  7. Birch

    Personal hell list…hmm…. Counting Crow’s “round here”, STP’s “Plush”, Sublime’s “What I got”, and something from Matchbox 20, and the Indigo Girls would round out my list.

    Man…I didn’t mind “What I got” at all when it first came out. It just so quickly went from satisfactory to eye-gouging. Especially since that dude died. Easiest way to get famous and have your music overplayed…

    Dashboard Confessional – heaven here
    Apostle of Hustle – animal fat
    Stereolab – get carter
    Bjork – desired constellation
    Yo La Tengo – you can have it all
    John Lurie – al al al al
    Lemon Jelly – the curse of Ka’zar
    Throwing Muses – limbo
    Deleted Scenes – get your shit together for the holidays

  8. Perry Ellis

    Stereolab FTW!!!

    Not in that fucking backwater town, Paxman, but there’s one I’m familiar with in the big city. You should check it out sometime.

  9. Always with the beard with you…you’re just sad that we don’t get mistaken for each other as much anymore, aren’t you?

  10. Carry On My Wayward Son has always been my least favorite song. I also hate everything by Fleetwood Mac and the Eagles, though there are one or two Eagles songs that are less offensive than the rest. I can’t remember what they are right now.

    1. Cotton, The Mountain Goats
    2. Do You Know What It Means to Miss New Orleans, Shamarr Allen
    3. Hush, Noonday Underground
    4. 99 Problems, Danger Mouse/Jay-Z
    5. Bill and the Kids Sing, Bill Cosby Talks to Kids about Drugs
    6. Time Is on My Side, Irma Thomas
    7. Highway Patrolman, Bruce Springsteen
    8. Walkin’ Down the Line, Bob Dylan
    9. I Predict a Riot, Kaiser Chiefs
    10. Musical Key, Cowboy Junkies

  11. 1. Beck – Sunday Sun
    2. Etta James – Take it To The Limit
    3. Levon Helm – Three Little Birds (Traditional)
    4. Boozoo Bajou – Fuersattel (First Listen for me)
    5. The Beatles – Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite
    6. Bark Hide and Horn – Quake & Crumble
    7. My Morning Jacket – Thank You Too
    8. The Flaming Lips – The Secret Of Immortality: This Strange Feeling, This Impossible World
    9. BEastie Boys – 3minute Rule
    10. Extra Golden – Anyango

    I will try to work on a SXSW recap Post this weekend, but I too am trapped in Work Hell. But trust me the stories of my debauchery are going to be coming (Kanye West, Janes Addiction/Playboy Party, Talib Kweli, Grizzly Bear and more). No Hold Steady, no Olson/Louris and no Lytle, but what can you do, can’t hit em all!

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