Today we fly our flags at half-staff and mourn the loss of a key member of the Brotherhood of Flying Shark Vikings, who was slaughtered and gently simmered in coconut milk by a group of rampaging Filipino zombie fishermen:
Fishers brought the odd creature—which died during its capture—to local project manager Elson Aca of WWF, an international conservation nonprofit.
Aca immediately identified it as a megamouth shark and encouraged the fishers not to eat it.
But the draw of the delicacy was too great: The 1,102-pound (500-kilogram) shark was butchered for a shark-meat dish called kinuout.
National Geographic says this was only the 41st megamouth shark ever identified, which gives you an idea of how difficult it is to find beasts that can consume fat underwater zombies. His name was Growly, but of course they didn’t think to ask.
May these soulless zombie fishermen be dragged to the depths of hell poached in light broth of lemongrass infused vegetable stock.
Good night, sweet fat-mouthed prince.
Ultra-Rare Shark Found, Eaten [National Geographic]