Friday Random 10: Crazy Penis Edition

Pax Arcana

It’s pretty clear to anyone who follows sports that many professional athletes are a few oars short of a full boat. So when a seemingly down-to-earth NFL player like Chris Cooley comes along, most of us love him automatically.

SP/SKINS15For those of you unfamiliar, Cooley is a tight end on the Washington Redskins. He also runs a blog that is funny enough and the same time perfectly quotidian. Cooley would not make for an especially interesting banker or editor or lawyer, but for an NFL player he seems to have a good head on his shoulders.

Then he accidentally put a picture of his wiener on the Internet.

Despite the fact that it was obviously an unintentional act, Cooley tells Sports Illustrated that the NFL — ever the guardians of player health and welfare — insisted he undergo a psychiatric evaluation in the wake of Sausagegate: Do people still give you a hard time about it?

Cooley: Only in interviews. Only people like you. But the NFL made me undergo a psychiatric evaluation. They treated it really seriously. Please. It was an accident. If I wanted to post a picture of my penis I wouldn’t have been all hunched over. What was the result of the psychiatric evaluation?

Cooley: I don’t even know, dude. I had to do a call with some lady. I thought it was gonna take two minutes, but it was like an hour. It was horrible.

I appreciate the NFL’s concern for Cooley’s mental state, but I question their approach. A shrink is the last thing anyone wants to think about after accidentally putting their donger on the Internet. Get it? A shrink? OK calm down it wasn’t that funny.

The songs:

Muddy Hymnal — Iron and Wine
Lollipop — Lil Wayne
Pour Some Sugar on Me — Def Leppard (yeah that’s right)
Fitter Happier — Radiohead
Any Ole Way — Otis Redding
Magic Number — De La Soul
Little Bird — The White Stripes
Killer Parties — The Hold Steady
Let’s Build a Home — The White Stripes
Period — Mission of Burma

Bonus video:

Eye of the Tiger — PS22 (NYC) Chorus [Bonus points for the kid in the Shockey jersey]

The Rules: The Friday Random 10 is exactly that — random. We open up our iTunes, set the thing on shuffle, and listen to 10 songs. We are not permitted to skip any out of embarrassment or fear of redundancy. Commenters are encouraged to post their own.



Filed under music

7 responses to “Friday Random 10: Crazy Penis Edition

  1. Perry Ellis

    Pour Some Sugar on Me was the theme song for my high school class talent show. My contribution? A rendition of a classic Woody Allen standup routine. Crickets.

    Moonglow, Django Reinhardt
    Troy , Sinéad O’Connor
    I Feel It All, Feist
    Fun World, Mission Of Burma
    Mutherfuker, Beck
    Looking Over My Shoulder, Elliott Smith
    Good Advices, R.E.M.
    Go It Alone, Beck
    Bring On The Night, The Police
    Dear Prudence, The Beatles

  2. In my fourth grade talent show, I sang ‘California Girls’ a la David Lee Roth, with my mom on piano. When i threw my hat out to the crowd, Art Ramee threw that shit right back on the stage. Asshole.

    It’s a wonder I’m as well adjusted as I am.

    I accidentally deleted half of the songs from my iPod this morning, so my shuffle will only include artists whose names fall between A and P.

    1. Ballad of a Thin Man (Live, 1960), Bob Dylan
    2. Moonshiner, Bob Dylan
    3. Every Day (I Have the Blues), Marshall Tucker Band
    4. Lessons, Brownie Mary
    5. Tuesday Night, Adam Hood (I don’t even know who the hell this is or how he got on my iPod.)
    6. Chocolate Salty Balls, Chef
    7. Sometimes Salvation, Black Crowes
    8. Low Down Ways, Marshall Tucker Band
    9. If You Gotta Go, Go Now (Live, 1964), Bob Dylan
    10. Last Thoughts on Woody Guthrie, Bob Dylan

    Good job, iPod shuffle. 3,322 songs and you chose 4 from Bob Dylan and 2 from Marshall Tucker. You’re fired.

  3. Fucking rear-ended some old dude on my lunch break, putting a big hole in my bumper from the ball on the back of his truck, as the old guy stopped at a yield. Nothing too painful though.

    1.Conor Oberst – Big Black Nothing
    2. Matt & Kim – Good Ol’ Fashioned Nightmare
    3. N.A.S.A. – N.A.S.A. Music (feat. Method Man, E-40 & DJ Swamp)
    4. Gordon Lightfoot – Don Quixote
    5. The Carter Family – The Mountains of Tennessee (made my afternoon)
    6. The Hold Steady – Girls Like Status (Live)
    7. Kocani Orkestar – Gelum ko bijav (nice)
    8. Madlib – Montara
    9. British Sea Power – The Curach
    10. Lambchop – Please Rise
    11. Lets Wrestle – Lets Wrestle
    12. Curtis – When We’re Alone

  4. This schools chorus did the Coldplay one too, that was pretty impressive as well. Gotta give props to the hippie chorus teacher.

  5. But how quickly till he loses his job from some parent pissed that his kid is on Youtube?

    Over/Under = 1 month?

  6. Interesting point. The videos (and a blog) have been up for more than a year, though, so I hope nothing comes out of it. Although every parent knows that the Internet rapes your children and gives them swine flu (and hamAIDS) so I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy ended up in hot water.

  7. Also — sucks about your accident. I once rear-ended a model in Newton. I mean in her car.

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